Except, of course, for The Resistance.

Who is The Resistance?

[a] A group Captain Picard has to fight on "Star Trek: The Next Generation"

[b] The group of teenagers who fight the Communists in the 1980s classic Red Dawn

[c] A kooky Christian "media watchdog group" with nothing better to do

If you answered [c], you get a cookie. [Picard generally tangled with The Borg and the Red Dawn kids called themselves "Wolverines."]

Anyway, The Resistance's collective feathers have been ruffled by 50 Cent reneging on his retirement promise. The group's representative, Mark Dice, showed his deep understanding of the Christian tenet of "love thy brother" when he made a statement about 50:

"It is time for 50 Cent to be a man of his word, and retire. The world will be a better place when this satanic piece of filth retires and stops making music."

It is important to note that this group's last major crusade was against the female anchors on Fox news -- claiming female anchors on the network wore shorter skirts than prostitutes being arrested on cop shows. They're also trying to raise $10,000 for something or another on their official Web site [content warning: this site might cause you to lose IQ points], but seem to have stalled at $220. Which is about $220 more than I'd have expected them to get when these are the best crusades they can come up with: lengthen news anchor skirts and make 50 Cent retire?

By the way, what the hell is with the 50 Cent-looking photo of The Resistance's founder, Mark Dice, which I found on his MySpace? I was going to say "stay tuned for my next campaign, which involves getting this 29-year-old guy with no apparent physical deformities laid..." but I'm not so sure that there are enough pills on the market to fix whatever is actually wrong with his head.

Beyond the rather bold statement about 50 Cent, the group has asked followers to leave comments on 50's MySpace, encouraging him to shun Satan and keep his word on retirement, thus, improving the entire world. Over on 50's page? Nothing but a bunch of "listen to my music" spam. Better luck next time, crazy fringe group! ]]> I was hoping we'd all have accepted that 50 Cent was just talking trash when he said he'd retire if he didn't outsell Kanye West when the two went head-to-head when releasing their latest albums. Or at the very least, we'd all have moved on, since the dude made it clear he's not retiring. And realistically, I think most of us have.   Except, of course, for The Resistance.   Who is The Resistance? [a] A group Captain Picard has to fight on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" [b] The group of teenagers who fight the Communists in the 1980s classic Red Dawn [c] A kooky Christian "media watchdog group" with nothing better to do   If you answered [c], you get a cookie. [Picard generally tangled with The Borg and the Red Dawn kids called themselves "Wolverines."]   Anyway, The Resistance's collective feathers have been ruffled by 50 Cent reneging on his retirement promise. The group's representative, Mark Dice, showed his deep understanding of the Christian tenet of "love thy brother" when he made a statement about 50:   "It is time for 50 Cent to be a man of his word, and retire. The world will be a better place when this satanic piece of filth retires and stops making music."   It is important to note that this group's last major crusade was against the female anchors on Fox news -- claiming female anchors on the network wore shorter skirts than prostitutes being arrested on cop shows. They're also trying to raise $10,000 for something or another on their official Web site [content warning: this site might cause you to lose IQ points], but seem to have stalled at $220. Which is about $220 more than I'd have expected them to get when these are the best crusades they can come up with: lengthen news anchor skirts and make 50 Cent retire?   By the way, what the hell is with the 50 Cent-looking photo of The Resistance's founder, Mark Dice, which I found on his MySpace? I was going to say "stay tuned for my next campaign, which involves getting this 29-year-old guy with no apparent physical deformities laid..." but I'm not so sure that there are enough pills on the market to fix whatever is actually wrong with his head.   Beyond the rather bold statement about 50 Cent, the group has asked followers to leave comments on 50's MySpace, encouraging him to shun Satan and keep his word on retirement, thus, improving the entire world. Over on 50's page? Nothing but a bunch of "listen to my music" spam. Better luck next time, crazy fringe group! http://www.shoutmouth.com/index.php/news/50_Cent_Targeted_By_Christian_Group http://www.shoutmouth.com/index.php/news/50_Cent_Avoids_Retirement_Thanks_to_Technicality Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:30:06 GMT When 50 Cent was having his fake feud with Kanye West this summer, he promised to retire if Kanye's album outsold his.

When both albums were released, Kanye's outsold 50's.

Now, 50 tells the NY Daily News:

No, I'm not retiring.

What an interesting turn of events. I think people would be pretty upset with 50 if anyone actually believed his promise to begin with. 50 did justify his retirement-policy-reversal by saying that his album was #1 in Europe, and therefore he did outsell Kanye. Oh, of course, we were going by European sales figures! How did we not realize that? I'm starting to wonder how many of 50's career moves involved technicalities like this. Did the guy actually get shot 9 times? Or were 7 of those shots from a paintball gun? When he's in da club, is he really into havin' sex and not into makin' love, or does he secretly enjoy spooning? Does he really have 21 questions, or is it more like 16 questions and 5 qualifying statements? Is he really sick of using technology, or does he still approve of certain electronic devices like iPods and cell phones?

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Say goodbye to "I'll Still Kill." Say hello to "I'll Still Will." Oh yes, that's the new name of the song. Nevermind the fact that "kill" isn't a swear word, but "I'll Still Will" doesn't even make any ****ing sense. Is the song about an 80-year old man who gets shot 9 times but still goes ahead with dividing up his assets amongst his grandchildren? I ****ing hate when these **********s edit ***t into some ****ing lame **s *******t that no one can ****ing understand.

50 said of the censors:

I don't think they have a problem with the group the Killers being called the Killers. I don't think anyone's protesting that Guns N' Roses is called Guns N' Roses. I just think that their perception of me is dark, so they're going to ask for those things to be changed, you know what I mean?

Also, and this is the worst part, the entire chorus is nothing but silence. This part I understand, as some of the actual lyrics are unfit for play on TV or radio. Way to pick a radio-friendly single, 50. Here's the actual chorus (sung by Akon):

When I hit the block I still will kill
And I don't want to, n***a but I will if I got to
Kill, if n***az get to f**kin around
If n***az get to f**kin around

Here's the edited version:

When I hit the block, I still will...

And I don't want to...

But I will if I got to...

...

...

...

...

...

Around

Yep. It's a great song, too, making this massacre all the more pathetic. How many times must I bring this up? Rappers used to make edited versions of their songs. They were radio-friendly, and they were totally different than the original version, so listeners who bought the CD were getting two songs for the price of one. You could make a mix tape with the clean version of "Dre Day" and the dirty version of "Dre Day" back-to-back, and you wouldn't even realize it was the same song. Now, we get choruses like, "When I... I don't... Man... I been... You... Fly... Cash... Watch out!!!" So lame. On the other hand, censors have gone so far that it's hard to blame 50 Cent. In the aforementioned "Dre Day," Snoop Dogg rapped about a "dick in ya mouth," but it was edited to say "gat in ya mouth." Nowadays, would "gat" not be edited out of a song? The words that used to be the safe replacements for edited words have now become the edited words. Where will it end, darn it?

Here is the clean version of "I'll Still Will." Take a listen to the chorus. People who talk about jazz music sometimes say that the silence in between notes is just as important as the notes themselves. That clearly doesn't apply to gangsta rap.