Amy Winehouse

Blake Fielder-Civil, of "Guy Married to Amy Winehouse" fame, has been arrested.

Fielder-Civil is scheduled to go on trial next week for beating up a bartender. According to sources, Fielder-Civil and three of his mischievous buddies tried to bribe witnesses in the case. Police broke down Fielder-Civil's door with a battering ram (really?) and arrested him. Winehouse was out shopping at the time, so unfortunately she couldn't do anything crazy.

I don't get it. So they beat up a bartender. Whatever. I heard he messed up their order and gave them a Michelob Ultra. I mean, what are they, rock climbing or trying to get wasted? A bartender deserves an ass kicking for that. And where was the bouncer in this situation? I once faked a fight in a bar -- we were clearly joking around -- and a bouncer grabbed me and threw me down the front stairs. I bumped into the people waiting in line outside the bar, and knocked over about 4 people like dominoes. My friend Erin fell into the road, almost got hit by a car, and dropped her ID into a sewer grate. It was hilarious.

And the battering ram? Come on. I haven't seen anyone use these type of archaic tactics since Martin Lawrence in Black Knight. And this is totally different, because Black Knight was hilarious, and this is just sad.

So, to sum up: Me getting thrown down stairs? Hilarious. Martin Lawrence? Hilarious. Blake Fielder-Civil's arrest? Tragic.

Wow, I've got to say: You have to be real talented to get arrested for marijuana in Scandinavia.

Just how much trouble could we see Amy get into in one hour? Probably quite a bit!

...unless her publicist is taking a complete hiatus, however, I assume they'll edit out any parts where she beats her husband, screws over a drugged-out friend, falls down on stage, upsets her parents, drinks all of the alcohol in a small village ...the list goes on.

All in all, we'll probably get some PG-13 behind-the-scenes stuff and sparkling pre-rehab concert footage. Not pre-"Rehab" though. No, No, No...that just wouldn't make any sense.

And that's not really very surprising at all.

Her tour rider has been discovered and the demands are expectedly ridic. The alcohol department is enough to get the country of Ireland drunk for a week:

2 Bottles of Red Wine (Rioja)

1 Case of Lager - No Carling or Stella Artois

1 Large Bottle of Vodka

1 Bottle of Courvoisier

Courvoisier? What, is the Ladies Man in her posse or something?