I always assumed that the Backstreet Boys were having sex with each other. I never would've imagined they were having sex with a 300-pound old guy. But sadly, that might just be the case.

 

A shocking -- and I know the word "shocking" is overused, but trust me, this shit is shocking -- new story in Vanity Fair alleges that boy band guru Lou Pearlman was a sexual predator who forced young boy band members into unwanted sexual relations. Pearlman is the man responsible for the Backstreet Boys, N' Sync, LFO, Take That and a handful of other boy bands that, combined, created a musical phenomenon in the late 90s and early 00s.

 

The Vanity Fair article will appear in the magazine's November issue, but the New York Post has the early scoop. Check out some of these quotes, they are absolutely insane.

 

Steve Mooney, Pearlman's former assistant:

 

I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was. Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?'

 

Jane Carter, mother of Backstreet Boy member Nick Carter:

 

Certain things happened and it almost destroyed our family. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to warn all the mothers. I tried to expose him for what he was years ago.

 

Oh, but it doesn't stop there.

 

Rich Cronin, who sang in the group LFO, said that Pearlman would talk to him about an "ancient massage technique that if I massage you and we bond in a certain way, it will strengthen your aura." Yeah, so basically he wanted to "massage" boys in order to make them stronger. Hmm, interesting.

 

Tim Christafore, a member of the group Take That, says that Pearlman once jumped on a boy's bed and started wrestling the boy while wearing nothing but a towel. The towel eventually fell off, and Pearlman continued to wrestle the young boy in the nude.

 

Says Christafore, "We were like, 'Ooh, Lou, that's gross.' What did I know? I was 13."

 

Fortunately, Pearlman will not be molesting any young boys in the near future, as he is currently behind bars for 5 counts of fraud after scamming a bunch of people in a pyramid scheme. Yep, next time Lou plays the "Molest The Boy Band Member Game," he'll be playing the role of N'Sync and a 250-pound dude named Bubba will be playing Lou Pearlman.

 

If only we knew about Pearlman's boy-molesting, pyramid-scheming ways back in the 90s, we could've stopped him (and stopped boy bands, which would have been awesome). But unfortunately, that ship has sailed. The sad thing is that no one involved ever spoke up or did anything to stop him. Tim Christafore says he didn't know what was going on because he was only 13. C'mon. I was 13 once, and I'm pretty sure I would've known that a big fat guy trying to wrestle me in the nude was inappropriate. And what about Nick Carter's mom? It's one thing when a 13-year old boy ignores sexual advances, but how does the parent of a 13-year old boy let that sort of thing slide? If I was Nick Carter's parent, and I found out Lou Pearlman was making sexual advances toward my boy, I would have pulled him out of the Backstreet Boys before Lou could say "I want it that way."

 

It seems like people were willing to overlook this inappropriate behavior because of money. Basically, they traded molestation for millions of dollars. It's really awful if you think about it, which is why you probably shouldn't think about it. And what about the boy bands that didn't make it big? Sure, if you're in N'Sync, and Pearlman gave you a rusty trombone, you can justify it by saying "at least I made a billion dollars out of the deal." What if you were a member of Natural or one of Pearlman's lesser-known boy bands? Can you really say, "Yeah sure, I got my salad tossed by a 300-pound dude, but it was worth it to have my first single reach #4 on the German charts?"

 

What I want to know is this: Is it ever worth it to get molested by Lou Pearlman? And if so, how much would it take? Would you let Lou Pearlman have sex with you for a million dollars? What about $5 million? What about a billion dollars?

 

Before you make a decision, keep in mind a few things:

 

1) A million dollars after taxes is about $600,000.

 

2) Sexual molestation at a young age can have long-lasting effects on your mental health.

 

3) You'd still have to be in a boy band.

 

4) If you're in a boy band, however, you'll probably go on to bang tons of hot chicks.

 

5) It's not gay if you don't look him in the eyes.

 

6) We're talking about this guy...