You ever try to bring strippers back to the house for an afterparty when there are a 2-year old and a 1-year old crying in the next room the entire time? It's impossible. You can try locking them in the car, but even with the windows cracked, there's only enough air for maybe an hour. If you're trying to throw a rager that goes til 8 in the morning, you're screwed. It's a horrible situation to be in. Yet this is the dilemma with which Kevin Federline lives every day.

 

In an ideal world, a judge would solve this problem by granting visitation rights to Britney Spears. But apparently, California judges are huge cockblocks. After agreeing to grant Britney visitation, and then saying she could have one overnight visit per week, a court has now changed its mind and taken away all of Spears' visitation rights.

 

According to a court document, "[Spears'] visitation with minor children is suspended pending [her] compliance with court orders."

 

Spears was ordered to submit to random drug testing, which may or may not be related to this suspension of visitation rights.

 

Dammit people, I told you, Britney will take care of these random drug tests when she has time. She's busy right now trying to keep up with the plot of "Heroes." The show just started back up after a long layoff, so she's playing catch-up. Plus, the show is adding, like, three new characters a week. That's a lot to keep up with. These random drug tests will have to wait! Why are we pressuring this girl? Who among us hasn't paid our car insurance a week late or forgotten to submit to court mandates in order to see our children? These things happen.

 

On the other hand, you have to feel for K-Fed. The guy is taking care of these two kids 24/7, all by himself (with minimal help from Jazz, Strawberry, and the rest of the Dreamgirls staff). It ain't easy being a single father. Federline can't even step out to smoke a Phillie Blunt without having to worry that one of the kids will wrap a dirty wife-beater around their head and suffocate. Hopefully the courts will work out a viable solution soon.

 

When reached for comment, Federline said, "Are you gonna finish that sandwich?"

 

(This was over the phone, so I'm not even sure how he knew I was eating a sandwich. He's good.)

 

 

 

PS - This video, called "Mrs. Britfire," offers one potential solution for the visitation dispute, although I don't think it's going to work. Thanks to SuperDeluxe and VH1 for this...