So here it comes again; another Presidential election. The great American past time where we get to choose which disturbingly well connected elite "man of the people" gets to run the show for the next four years. It's the ultimate reality television show, but instead of winning a million dollars, or "true love," the winner here gets control of thousands of nuclear weapons, all the intern poon they can handle, and the hatred of millions world wide.

 

Everyone has their issues and camps that support them. Sure, that's great, but which candidate represents the much coveted "Emo Vote?" Well ladies and gentlemen, I have done the research for you, and am now prepared to give you the results of what was the result of literally dozens of minutes of my afternoon. Ready?


Ron Paul.

 

Now, you may wonder how I came to decide that Dr. Paul is best suited to represent the interests of the emo vote. Out of sheer generosity and the kindness of my heart, I will tell you.

 

1) You may go around wherever you live, and quite possibly see Ron Paul's signs all over the place. This is the political version of pins on the strap of a messenger bag for an emo kid. You'll see Ron Paul signs up and down telephone polls, on the neutral ground between roads, in culverts, and on newspaper bins. Now think about that messenger bag you saw when you last went to a show. Pins everywhere, right?. This sort of "plastering" behavior seems to come standard issue with the emo model, just like it does with being part of the Ron Paul Revolution.

 

 

2) Hell, just think about the name for his movement. The Ron Paul Revolution? You probably wouldn't blink twice if you saw that on a poster billed with Saves the Day and Hawthorne Heights. Or you might think that Prince's old band got political.... Either way.

 

3) Dr. Paul also has mentioned that he doesn't watch a lot of television. Emo kids used to watch a lot more television, you know, before MTV stopped playing videos. Actually, that's probably a good thing, no matter what you are. That said, Ron Paul's YouTube consumption is unknown at this point.

 

4) If you have watched any of the debates on CNN or Fox News, you would have seen that Ron Paul gets rather worked up over the things he is passionate about. He is, I would dare say, emotional. Need proof?

 

 

Look, he even gets laughed at when he gets whiney. Admit it, that's happened to you once or twice.

 

He also didn't get invited to a recent Republican debate. The reason? Not popular enough. Remind anyone of senior prom?

 

5) Finally, we all know that since the Internet has become as ubiquitous as celebrity meltdowns and pornography, it has become the refuge of many in the emo community. Web sites like MySpace, Buzznet, and of course, Shoutmouth, attract millions of people. Guess what? The same can be said of Ron Paul.

 

He has raised nearly twenty million dollars using the Internet, and hundreds of Web sites supporting him have sprung up virtually overnight. Go to any forum site, and there will be hundreds of Ron Paul supporters clogging the threads. They seem to be everywhere. But have you ever met any of these people in real life? Me neither. I know they exist, but... I'm not suite sure where they congregate. Nonetheless, on the internet, they are fucking everywhere. It's like when you go to a diner, and you see those emo kids sitting in the corner drinking coffee. There's only a few of them, and they are separate from the rest of the patrons. Online, they are everywhere, like some sort of zombie army.

 

So there you have it. The results of my toil and woe, just for you. It's good to know there is someone out there who truly represents the emo in all of us.