I preface this article with a brief note that shooting the messenger went out of style many, many years ago, and would like to stress that I am merely the messenger.
The hot gossip around town is the gigantic [to the point of tacky] "promise ring" that Ashlee Simpson has been wearing on her finger. I can't help but be amused that most reports say it is on her "ring finger," when it is very clearly on her middle finger. Is she showing off her ring while sending a message to all the FOB fangirls of the world?
While pimping her new album on Fuse, she revealed that the ring isn't an engagement ring, but rather a promise ring. Why does she have a promise ring? She explained: "It just means that he hasn't asked my dad yet."
How quaint! I wonder if her dad has to give Pete's family a chest with some jewels, two mules, and a skein of silk in order to prove her worth to the Wentz clan. I suppose I can see the romantic aspect of asking a chick's dad if you can marry her, but even if her father said, "hell no," he can't stop the wedding. Then again, this is Papa Joe we're talking about... it could be the first-ever reverse shotgun wedding if his orders were disobeyed.
Well, I'm sure this will work out well, should it all come to pass, and "Pete and Ashley: Newlyweds" will be a major TV hit that leads people to shamelessly mock both of them in public, before accelerating their divorce, as do all reality shows about couples.
And yes, I know Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne managed to avoid that curse, but... come on. Everybody knows Ozzy has superhero powers that keep him alive, meaning that a little old reality show isn't going to take him out of the game.
