Seeing as TomZ has been thrust into my world, which is a bit
different from what he's used to, he ends up trying to figure out a lot
of things about me. Yesterday, after proclaiming that I would stand
with my hand on a statue for a month, not moving, just to get a single
overnight date with Pete Wentz, we realized something: TomZ does not
understand the world of an emo girl, or her fascination with emo boys.
As such, I have made a list of my ten favorite emo boys -- an entirely
shallow list, based on looks -- and posted my personal favorite photos
of them. The challenge? TomZ has to guess why
I find them attractive. Of course, I'll step in and tell him where he
was correct and what he got wrong. It's all about understanding.
TomZ and pixie: bringing the emo world and the normal world together, one post at a time. Shall we begin?
Pete, Fall Out Boy:
TomZ: First off, pixie, let me say thank you for bringing me into your world of emo boys. And to everyone else, yes, I'm aware of how gay this is, you don't have to tell me. Wentz looks like a chameleon in this picture. I don't get his appeal in general. I've told you this story already, but the other weekend, two girls told me I looked like Pete Wentz. It wasn't really a compliment. I almost left the bar to get a haircut, but of course Supercuts isn't open at 1AM. I'm not saying he's ugly or anything, but he just looks like an ordinary guy. If this dude can be an emo heartthrob, then I should join an emo band, I'd be like George Clooney. Anyway, I guess the point here is for me to guess why you like him, so I'm going to say it's the nude pictures. Every female celebrity is nude online these days -- thank you, Pam Anderson -- but for men it's still pretty rare. He's a bad boy, you love it.
pixie: You know when boys look vaguely animal-like it's hot, right? If not, well, now you do. So the chameleon thing is good. Personal sidenote: your hair looks good right now, so don't get it cut, and for the love of all things good and holy, don't go to freaking Supercuts. As for Pete Wentz... he looks ordinary to you? We really don't live all that far apart, so I'm curious as to where you're seeing all these ordinary guys with eyes and lips like he has, hair that falls perfectly, and a full sleeve of Nightmare Before Christmas tattoos. Pete's looks are definitely part style/tattoos/eyeliner, but even without all that, he's pretty far from "ordinary."
Frank, My Chemical Romance:
TomZ: Let me guess, everyone in MCR will be on this list. This guy doesn't even look that emo, he looks like he should be changing your oil down at Meineke. That's not a double-entendre, he really looks like a grease monkey. Maybe he gave you a 10% discount on a tire rotation and that's why you love him?
pixie: Close, 3/5ths of My Chemical Romance are on this list. That said, can you please give me the card for the Meineke that employs guys who look like Frank Iero? Because I'd like to start getting my oil changed there. This is another case of perfect facial structure, augmented by great hair, by the way.
Jake, Drop Dead Gorgeous:
TomZ: Thanks for picking a picture where I can barely see the guy. No, really, I'm not being sarcastic, I have no interest in checking out guys, so thanks. I have to assume the tattoos are the appeal here, because it's the only thing I can see.
pixie: I was having a hard time getting a good shot of him, but he belongs on this list. When I met him, I literally stopped breathing for a few seconds. He has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen on a boy, though you have no way to know this. The tattoos, yes, but you missed the hair and the amazing nose, as well, and both are visible in this photo.
Mat, Kill Hannah:
TomZ: It has to be the Last of the Mohican-style make-up. You better make your move on this guy quickly. It looks like a sniper is about to take out his arm.
pixie: Now that you mention it, I do like that makeup on boys. It's a universally good look. Aside from having a nice face, you see the way his shirt slightly rides up, and you can see his boxer briefs sticking out above his jeans? That is so amazingly sexy. Three shirts, and he still manages to give us a taste of what's under there. Mat Devine knows how to work his sex appeal, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only girl who would walk on broken glass for a piece of that.
Gerard, My Chemical Romance:
TomZ: This one is easy. Gerard is getting his Timberlake on. Check out the picture, it's got "Lovestoned" written all over it. JT's a dreamboat, even I can admit that, so any attempt to copy his style is definitely a turn-on for chicks.
pixie: Okay, really... you couldn't come up with something better? With Gerard, we're talking great hair, great clothing, an odd but endearing smile, and eyes that look like sunflowers. Justin "pubes for hair" Timberlake doesn't ever enter the equation. Ever. As a matter of fact, you may have ruined this picture for me. Just for that, I'm replacing all the Carrie Underwood photos on your hard drive with photos of Beth Ditto when you're on vacation.
Ryan, Envy on the Coast:
TomZ: Well, he supports the troops. That's a plus. It's also clear he's the leader of his band, as evidenced by this Stillwater-esque photo. Power is sexy, right? Seriously, how did the photographer handle this picture? "Go on guys, keep moving further down the alley... keep going... keep going... OK, you're good... I said, OK, YOU'RE GOOD!!! Now line up like one of those caveman-to-man charts and we'll take this picture!"
pixie: I think the photo represents Ryan's loneliness in the world, even though there are people not all that far from him. You know the concept has to be something like that. By the way, the reason he charted? Hair, arms, nose, and eyes. His hair is best seen in the "Sugar Skulls" video, where he is not wearing a silly hat, but is almost drowning the whole time.
Mikey, My Chemical Romance:
TomZ: Hey, I think you left of My Chemical Romance's tour manager and stage grip. Or are they further down? This guy looks kinda like a cute chick, and since chicks are better looking than guys, I guess he must be a really cute guy. Mystery solved.
pixie: Ah! Androgyny for the win. You finally figured out one of the keys to being a sexy emo boy. A gold star and ten emo points for you [bringing your total emo points to... 10.] The thing about Mikey is he's so good looking, he almost takes on alien qualities. For a female equivalent? See Angelina Jolie, about 3 years ago.
Ryan, Panic! At the Disco:
TomZ: Welcome... to Medieval Times!!! This guy is 12 years old. I assume you like 'em young. I would criticize, but I just got finished checking out those nude Hayden Panettiere pictures, so let's just move on.
pixie: I'll have you know he just turned 21. But yeah, even I feel kind of like a dirty old woman oogling him. But he's adorable, in a "I just want to cuddle you like a teddy bear" sort of way, and the slightly round face just adds to that in a good way.
wiL, Aiden:
TomZ: Ah, what the f**k is this? Get it away. OK, I just scrolled down so I can't see the picture. I'll admit, talent is sexy, and archery is definitely a talent. But at what point does this guy turn to the photographer and ask "is this really a good idea?" I don't know much about Aiden, but this guy must be the greatest singer ever if he took a picture like this and you still like him.
pixie: Okay, the bow and arrow thing is a bit ridiculous, but I genuinely do like this photo, because it shows off his side and stomach tattoos, and he has total bedroom eyes going on. I will also admit that I chose this photo to see the look on your face when you got to it.
Andy, Every Time I Die:
TomZ: Holy sh*t, Bigfoot learned guitar. I can't even come up with a facetious answer here, I think every guy looks exactly the same, and still I have no idea what you see in this guy. It would be a lot cooler if he was Andy "Dog Food Eater" Williams. Actually, I know you interviewed this guy awhile back and he was really nice, so perhaps personality matters? No, no, that can't be right. You must be drunk.
pixie: While it is true that he is really nice and hilarious, and personality counts... here's the thing. We've been through a whole list of boys who have similar characteristics -- they're pretty, they have great hair, they probably own more makeup than I do. And now we have Andy Williams, a man who played a werewolf in a video and didn't need prosthetic hair. But you know what? He's manly, in a "I'd defend your honor and kick the asses of everyone in the bar, if necessary" sort of way. And yet, he's still cuddly. I don't know. But I really do have a thing for him. Leave me alone!!
