Those of you were on the site last night will know that I tried doing a live report during the Grammy's. Unfortunately, my computer died during the show and I ended up missing the best part.
I've made some additions and revisions, and now, I present to you, my highlights & lowlights of the 2008 Grammy's...
HIGHLIGHTS
-Kanye: Kanye finally won something, Best Rap Album. While he was discussing his mother's death, the band tried to play him off stage. He called them out, then started making an elegant speech. Then he ended by saying "we run this!," thus ending the elegance. Oh well, touching or not, he deserved this. I honestly think Graduation was one
of the best albums of the year, if not the best. However, one of my friends (who shall
remain nameless) IM'ed with this quote: "Kanye only won cause his
mama died." I don't know if I agree, but you know how Hollywood likes to imitate what's been
recently successful? Will "death in the family" replace "rehab" as the
go-to PR move? Hmm. I guess time will tell.
Kanye's performance of "Stronger" was incredible. He also sang the song "Hey Mama" in tribute of his late mother, and he's actually a pretty decent singer.
-Foo Fighters: The Foos gave a great performance, and also won Best Rock Album for Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace (the worst FF album ever, but oh well, they're still awesome).
-Rihanna: Rihanna mostly ignored "Umbrella" and played her new song "Please Don't Stop the Music" instead, much to the delight of gay men nationwide. Does anyone know what she's saying at the end of that song? I'm convinced it's subliminal advertising for Microsoft. "Mama Say, Mama Saw, M-Microsoft..." Nice try, Bill Gates, but you can't fool me.
Rihanna also won Best Rap/Sung Collaboration for "Umbrella," then thanked a bunch of people. Unfortunately for those people, you can't understand anything Rihanna says with her thick Barbados accent, so no one's getting hired based on her acceptance speech. Tough break fellas.
She also looked hot.
-Alicia Keys: Alicia made both the highlights and the lowlights of the show, as you'll see below. The highlight was her performance of "No One," which is probably the biggest hit in the world right now. She's hot, she's talented, what more needs to be said?
-Stevie Wonder: Stevie was on the show, which reminded me of a funny story from college. One of my roommates was throwing up at like 3AM after a night at the bar. He was sitting on the couch vomiting into a trash can. I was sitting on our other couch, watching a VH1 show and making sure he didn't die. He had been throwing up for about 30 minutes straight when VH1 aired a commercial for a Stevie Wonder "Behind the Music." In the ad, Lil Kim (or maybe it was some other chick) comes on screen and says, "Stevie Wonder was a visionary." All of a sudden, my roommate lifts his head out of the trash can, starts laughing hysterically, and then yells, "She just said Stevie Wonder was a visionary!!!"" It was hilarious. You know, cause he's blind.
-Carrie Underwood: My wife performed her hit song "Before He Cheats" (that song's about her old boyfriend, not me, don't worry). She did a great job with it. Let's be honest though, she was making this list even if her performance was terrible, just so I could post a picture. Love you, baby.
-Kid Rock & the Old Lady: This was a comedy highlight. Kid Rock came out for a duet with Keely Smith. I don't know how old Keely is, but I'd ballpark it around 60-65. Kid Rock blatantly hit on Keely at least 3 different times. And it wasn't cute or subtle or anything, it was like, "hey Keely, you're a pretty good singer, let's fuck." Maybe he was drunk or something, but either way, it was comically awkward.
-Amy Winehouse: My computer died before Amy's performance, which is why I'm re-doing this story. She was the highlight of the night, I thought. Not only did she win practically everything, but her performance was pure gold. She played her cool song ("You Know I'm No Good") in addition to "Rehab," then she gave some speech about her husband, whom she referred to as "Blake, incarcerated." Then after she was done singing, the cameras just stayed on her for about 2 minutes while she wandered around, looking coked out. I'm pretty sure the Grammy's producer was sitting in his booth yelling, "just keep the cameras rolling, she's bound to do something crazy!!"
Anyway, besides Winehouse's weird facial expressions and the fact that she didn't update any of the lyrics for "Rehab," her performance was legitimately solid. And that's a good thing, because she really needed to come through last night. The importance of her Grammys performance was on par with the importance of Britney's last VMAs performance, except Winehouse killed it while Britney looked like a meth addict who accidentally wandered in from a nearby strip club. And Winehouse added some comedy to boot. All I could think last night was, "Man, she's gonna sell a bunch of albums this week. And that's going to earn her a lot of money. And that money's going straight to coke. And she'll be right back in rehab as soon as she gets out." Congratulations, Amy!
LOWLIGHTS
-Alicia Keys' stylist: Before the show, Alicia Keys was on the red carpet, and she was dressed like Mother Teresa. I'm not saying she copied Mother Teresa's style; I'm saying her stylist actually dug up the grave of Mother Teresa, then stole her clothes and gave them to Alicia. I'm a pretty easygoing guy, but I have morals, and I think that if you're going to dig up the grave of a saintly woman to steal her clothes, you better make sure you look damn fly wearing them. Alicia didn't. I hate it when hot chicks try to make themselves look ugly. We get it, you're a credible artist. Luckily, Alicia changed clothes later in the night and looked good.
-Interpretive Dancing: For those who didn't see the show last night, you missed an interpretive dance set to the Beatles "A Day in the Life." I'm not a mind reader but I'm pretty sure the Fab Four weren't imagining a gymnastics meet and a midget in an umbrella when they wrote this song. How is no one in the audience laughing? It must be tough for them. I once saw a video on YouTube where a guy at a business conference sings U2's "One" while the conference attendees sat there quietly. It made me think, "I'm glad I don't have a real job. Because I would laugh in that guy's face and then walk out." I guess the point is, I should never be allowed to attend an awards show.
-Tina Turner: Tina's a legend, but she performed a medley of songs while dressed in an all-silver spandex suit, looking like a space alien. Say what you want about Ike, but at least he kept her humble. Beyonce also joined Tina on stage and showed off her armpits (obviously - when does she not? If there was such thing as "Armpits Magazine," Beyonce would be on the cover every month). During Tina's performance, out of nowhere, my friend Ted goes, "Tina Turner used to sweat like a pig on stage. She was a mess." I told him I didn't believe that. Then he sent me this picture. Touché.
-Male Country Stars: Vince Gill tried mocking Kanye, but his joke wasn't that great. Now if he had yelled out "My video cost a million dollars!! This pumpkin's got champagne in it!!! HATERRRRSS!!!" that would've been hilarious. Also, Brad Paisley performed. The performance was fine, but this conversation with Ted was funny.
TED: This song is the best.
ME: Is this "She Thinks My Tractor is Sexy?"
TED: No, this one's called "I Want to Check You For Ticks."
Did I mention how country is the fastest-growing genre? Yep.
So that's pretty much it. Overall, it was a hit-or-miss Grammy's. Some parts, like Kanye or Amy Winehouse, were very entertaining. Other parts, like the George Gershwin tribute, made me feel like I was watching the world's largest dentist's waiting room. Oh, and one last thing. I fell asleep, but apparently Herbie Hancock won Album of the Year for a covers album. I saw this on several websites and still haven't figure out whether it's a hoax or not. I'll look into it some more and get back to you.
UPDATE #1 - Turns out that Herbie Hancock thing is not a hoax. He really did win. Before all you Herbie Hancock fan come after me, keep in mind, it was a covers album. Are we really at the point where covers albums should be considered for Album of the Year?
UPDATE #2 - Almost forgot, we are giving away copies of the 2008 Grammy Nominees CD and today is the last day to enter. Go here to enter.
UPDATE #3 - For those of you who watched the Grammys last night, my friend Brendan did a live blog for AOL. It's right here.
