So, a little birdy roped your friendly neighborhood iDrew into live-blogging tonight's VMA's. As the self-appointed assistant pop editor, how could I refuse? I have full faith tonight's show will be far more exciting than in the last few years because, let's face it, Britney is back. Thus, things will go one of three ways:
1) Britney performs in the first few minutes and the rest of the show is a snooze fest.
2) Britney performs in the first few minutes, and all of the audience egos feel the urge to one-up her as far as note-worthiness since we all know the New York Post will only have so many pages they can devote to the festivities tomorrow.
3) Britney mysteriously disappears before that. The show continues as scheduled and no one notices.
Regardless, we'll be here together for all of it.
Commentary will start right at 9, because unlike our friends at Idolator , I don't do pre-shows :)
8:45: Because I left college with a psych degree and I once got an A on a statistics test, I feel the urge to make some "educated guest-imates" about the big show. I dusted off my old TI-83, and here are some numbers I've come up with:
32%: The chances of a wardrobe malfunction
426: The number of times we'll hear the name "Britney" before 11pm (we're already 1/2 way there)
298: The number of times we've heard the name "Britney" already
15%: The chances one of Mark Ronson's stable of rent-a-singers drunkenly crashes the show
8:58: T - 2 minutes. Are you excited!? I know I am.
9:00 : SHOWTIME!
9:01: Wow. This is what we were waiting for?
9:04: Gee. A live microphone and real clothes. That's what that moment needed, Brit.
9:06: Sarah Silverman. Woah, lady. Low, low blows. Rippin into Britney and Paris like crazy. I can't handle this.
9:09: Ms. Alicia, the teleprompter is on your left.
9:11: Mr. Pete Wentz's microphone was off. Just like a Fall Out Boy concert. Does that dude even have a voice? I wouldn't know.
9:13: Wait, who were the nominees for "Monster Single of the Year?" That preview gave me a seizure, so I missed it. Well, regardless- congratulations Rihanna!
9:15: Oh, Kanye. Is he even at the VMA's or is he just like hanging out somewhere? This show is so confusing.
9:16: They go to commercial in the middle of the biggest autumn single- thus diminishing Kanye's potential says on Tuesday 240,000 copies.
9:23: Jennifer Hudson, adding some much needed class to this event.
9:25: Quadruple Threat Justin Timberlake challenges MTV to play more videos. No one is listening Justin, no one.
9:26: Fall Out Boy seems to have found the same soundman I had for my 8th grade caberet band. Again, at a different venue. MTV, you are taking ADD to a whole new level.
9:30: Pageant Place! Yes! I can't wait for that show! It's gonna be awesome!
9:32: I bet Dave Grohl would agree with me at this show isn't like the good ol' (pre-facial hair) days when he was behind the kit.
9:34: Kanye and 50 should just have hugged and quit the farce. I mean - shout guys! Say some crazy sh*t. Get your fans hyped up so they don't stay home Tuesday and listen to their already downloaded copies of your albums.
This cheap, cheap marketing ploy that has added sunshine and wonder to my all-too quiet September is losing steam like crazy.
9:39: Sounds like Mark Ronson has infiltrated Maroon 5. In other news: Holy %(*%%^$^# can I just hear one *%&^$*#) song all the way through!? At least get me through the first chorus without that annoying voice over *%&% trying to sell me stuff there is no prayer of me buying. Damnit. It's hard to live-blog when filled with rage.
9:43: Rosario Dawson = still hot.
9:44: I hope that predicted wardrobe malfunction doesn't end up being Chris Brown.
9:45: Chris Brown, predicting the quickly approaching downfall of the music industry, has perfected his long jump. You know. Just incase. We'll see you at the olympics, buddy.
9:47: Rihanna = wow. I could use an umbrella.
9:48: Oh no. Chris Brown, I was just liking you 20 seconds ago. Now you're doing MJ impersonations poorly in baggy clothes. Minus 200 man points.
9:51: Kelly Sweet- who are you? You may NOT cover Aerosmith! Permission from the music gods has NOT been granted for that.
9:54: I can no longer tell the commercials from the show. This whole fiesta is one big advertisement, but for what!? Hey, you! Yeah, you- guy shouting "Superman" -- you just told me to buy something on October 2nd, but then I saw Kanye - which made me think about his album on Sept. 11th. Now Kanye is gone.
Ugh. I may be all jacked up on green tea lattes, but apparently I do not do enough drugs to keep up with this show.
9:57: Male Artist of the Year goes to Justin Timberlake. Well, duh.
9:58: Justin Timberlake really wants some G*d damn music videos up in this bizatch.
9:59: 50% of Gnarls sits in with the Foo Fighters. Ok, maybe 75%.
(Ziiiing!! Continued on the next page)
