This story has nothing to do with music or emo, but it's probably the funniest thing that's ever happened in a courtroom. A New York man named Cesar Rodriguez is accused of murdering his 7-year old stepdaughter Nixzmary. Allegedly, Rodriguez caught Nixzmary trying to steal a yogurt from the fridge, then duct taped her to a chair and beat her over the head until she died.
That's not the funny part. This is. Rodriguez is currently on trial, and as part of his defense, he showed the jury a "World's Greatest Dad" mug that Nixzmary bought him for Father's Day in 2005. Yes, he tried to use a "World's Greatest Dad" mug as proof that he didn't beat his daughter to death.
The prosecution responded -- and yes, this is an actual quote -- by saying, "As evidence comes out, it becomes clear that the last thing he was was 'World Greatest Dad.'"
More info, from wcbstv.com:
The defense has attempted to portray Rodriguez as an overworked, loving family man who harshly disciplined the girl-including binding and beating her-because of her unruly behavior toward her siblings. But the defense says the mother dealt the deathblow.
So not only did this guy try to use the "World's Greatest Dad" mug as a defense, but he also gave the "tough love" excuse for (allegedly) murdering his daughter, and to top things off, he tried throwing his wife under the bus. Instead of testifying against his wife, maybe he should've just worn an "I'm With Stupid" shirt that pointed in her direction. This is like the Menedez brothers saying they're not guilty because their parents once took them to Chuck E. Cheese.
There's a picture of the little girl here, and she's adorable. It's one thing when ugly kids get beaten, but this is a true tragedy in every sense of the word.
We managed to get a partial transcript from the court proceedings, if you're interested. It's fascinating how the legal world works.
JUDGE: Mr. Rodriguez is accused of first-degree murder and child abuse. Defense, how do you plead?
DEFENSE LAWYER: Your honor, my client is 100% innocent of these crimes. He is an outstanding father, and we have evidence to prove it.
JUDGE: Please present the evidence to the court.
DEFENSE: Check it out everyone, it's a "World's Greatest Dad" mug! Oh yes, the prosecution will tell you that my client murdered this girl, but if that's true then why did she buy him a "World's Greatest Dad" mug? If he was truly guilty, wouldn't the mug say "World's Worst Human Ever?" I rest my case. If the hot chocolate don't fit, you must acquit!
JUDGE: Interesting. Is there any more evidence you wish to present?
DEFENSE: One more thing, your honor. Notice the defendant's t-shirt, which says "Not Only Am I Perfect, I'm Puerto Rican!" Clearly my client is a model citizen uncapable of such an act!
PROSECUTION LAWYER: Objection, your honor!
JUDGE: On what grounds?
PROSECUTION: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defense will have you believe that Mr. Rodriguez is a outstanding individual. But if that's true, then why did his neighbor buy him a bumper sticker that says "Jesus Loves You; Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole?"
JURY: (Gasps)
[pixie found this story; she also came up with the "I'm With Stupid" joke. Thank you.]
