The 2007 MTV Video Music Awards show takes place on September 9th at 9:00 PM, live from Las Vegas.
The nominees were announced the other day. Now, here are some predictions...
Best Group
Fall Out Boy
Gym Class Heroes
Linkin Park
Maroon 5
The White Stripes
Who Should Win: Linkin Park. Sure, the White Stripes' new album was critically acclaimed, but it's the White Stripes. All of their albums are critically acclaimed. The fact that Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight went over pretty well with critics is amazing, considering most so-called experts would rather shoot themselves in the head than admit a popular nu-metal band was any good. Oh, and Minutes had the best selling debut of the year.
Who Will Win: Fall Out Boy. If there's a chance for MTV to get Pete Wentz up on stage in front of millions of pre-pubescent girls, they're going to take it. You can say MTV sucks and you can whine about how they don't play videos, but clearly they know what their target demographic is, and they operate accordingly.
Who Shouldn't Win: Gym Class Heroes. I wish I could support my fellow Upstate New Yorkers, but to the average person, this list is made up of four powerhouses and "the band that sang that Cupid song."
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Fall Out Boy wins, Pete Wentz brings Ashlee Simpson on stage and proposes, crazed 14-year old girl opens fire on the crowd, killing 37 while screaming out "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME, PETE!!!!!"
Best New Artist
Lily Allen
Gym Class Heroes
Peter, Bjorn & John
Carrie Underwood
Amy Winehouse
Who Should Win: Carrie Underwood. She's crossed over from country to mainstream. She won "American Idol" and she's sold a billion records while still maintaining as much credibility as possible. She's really, really hot. And unlike Lily Allen or Amy Winehouse, I'm pretty sure she'll still be allowed in the U.S. come September.
Who Will Win: Amy Winehouse. Two reasons: First, MTV always tried to throw a bone to the hipster crowd, and they usually use this category to do so. Secondly, my dad knows Amy Winehouse, so she's obviously made a huge impression on society. The last "new artist" my dad knew about was .38 Special.
Who Shouldn't Win: Gym Class Heroes. They've been around like 10 years.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Through a clerical error, both Winehouse and Lily Allen win. They proceed to drunkenly fight onstage until both simultaneously pass out and collapse. The next presenter, Heath Ledger, walks out and trips over them.
Female Artist of the Year
Beyonce
Fergie
Nelly Furtado
Rihanna
Amy Winehouse
Who Should Win: Beyonce. Think back to how many times you heard "Irreplaceable" in the winter. Yeah.
Who Will Win: Beyonce, although Fergie could pull an upset.
Who Shouldn't Win: Amy Winehouse. Sorry, she may be talented, but she's had one song.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Beyonce narrowly beats Fergie, then Will.I.Am runs out on stage and pulls an ODB, screaming "Beyonce and all these artists is good artists, but Fergie is for the children!!!!"
Male Artist of the Year
Akon
Robin Thicke
T.I.
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Who Should Win: Justin Timberlake. The guy is everywhere.
Who Will Win: Justin Timberlake. He's got a bunch of huge hits and teenage girls love him. MTV can't possibly screw this one up.
Who Shouldn't Win: Robin Thicke. He's the man, but success or popularity-wise, he's not at the level of the other 4. He couldn't even win on street cred, what with T.I. in the mix.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Two things: First, Kanye West loses then storms the stage, yelling about how the "Can't Tell Me Nothing" video is so much more revolutionary than anything else in the category, thus unintentionally lending credibility to the song's title. Second, Akon wins, then proceeds to hump the entire cast of "Laguna Beach" on stage.
Monster Single of the Year
Daughtry "Home"
Fall Out Boy "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"
Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend"
Lil Mama "Lip Gloss"
MIMS "This Is Why I'm Hot"
Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah"
Rihanna f/ Jay-Z "Umbrella"
Shop Boyz "Party Like a Rockstar"
T-Pain f/ Yung Joc "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')"
Timbaland f/ Keri Hilson, D.O.E. & Sebastian "The Way I Are"
Who Should Win: Avril or Rihanna. Either one. Figuring out which of those two songs is more overplayed is like figuring out the square root of infinite.
Who Will Win: Avril. You know MTV wants to give both these girls an award, and Rihanna already has one category on lockdown (see below).
Who Shouldn't Win: MIMS. When you look at the list above, and something stands out as much more horrible than the rest... well that's not a good sign now, is it? MIMS gets bonus negative points for that stupid "This Is Why I Rock" remix.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: T-Pain and Yung Joc win, then sign a promotional deal with Hooked on Phonics. The American education system crumbles immediately, to the point where people start watching MTV as a learning tool.
Most Earth-Shattering Collaboration
Akon f/ Eminem "Smack That"
Beyonce f/ Shakira "Beautiful Liar"
Gwen Stefani f/ Akon "The Sweet Escape"
Justin Timberlake f/ Timbaland "Sexyback"
U2 f/ Green Day "The Saints Are Coming"
Who Should Win: Beyonce & Shakira. Have you SEEN that video?
Who Will Win: Gwen Stefani & Akon. Oooh ooohh, EEEHH OOOHHH. Yeah, it's literally Earth-shattering.
Who Shouldn't Win: U2. I have no problem with Green Day winning. Here's the issue: U2's The Edge started that charity where they give guitars to people hurt by Hurricane Katrina. Can you imagine if your life was destroyed by that hurricane, and then some rock star, as part of his rebuilding effort, showed up and handed you a guitar? You'd be like, "thanks Edge, only 100 more of these and I'll have enough wood to build a house!"
Best Thing That Could Possibly Happen During This Award: Akon wins, humps the entire cast of "My Super Sweet Sixteen."
Quadruple Threat of the Year
Beyonce
Bono
Jay-Z
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Who Should Win: The cast of MTV's new "Real World: Sydney." My God. Have you seen these four girls? Best looking cast in show history, hands down. Even the ugly chick is hot. I don't care if they're not nominated, or if I'm taking the whole "quadruple threat" idea way out of context. Just give them the award.
Who Will Win: Bono. I assume "saving the entire planet" counts as one of the four threats.
Who Shouldn't Win: Kanye. He clearly only has three threats.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Bono wins, AIDS ends.
Video of the Year
Beyonce "Irreplaceable"
Justice "D.A.N.C.E."
Rihanna f/ Jay-Z "Umbrella"
Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around... Comes Around"
Kanye West "Stronger"
Amy Winehouse "Rehab"
Who Should Win: Rihanna. No contest.
Who Will Win: Rihanna.
Who Shouldn't Win: Anyone besides Rihanna.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Rihanna wins, re-enacts "Umbrella" video, record numbers of teenage boys get caught jacking it when their moms walk in to see if they want some Rice Krispies Treats.
Best Editing
Beyonce f/ Shakira "Beautiful Liar"
Gnarls Barkley "Smiley Faces"
Linkin Park "What I've Done"
Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around... Comes Around"
Kanye West "Stronger"
Who Should Win: Who cares, it's an editing award.
Who Will Win: Who cares, it's an editing award.
Who Shouldn't Win: Who cares, it's an editing award.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Gnarls Barkley wins, Cee-Lo takes the stage, reveals that he is actually Skee-Lo, performs an impromptu version of "I Wish."
Best Director
Christina Aguilera "Candyman"
Beyonce f/ Shakira "Beautiful Liar"
Kanye West "Stronger"
Linkin Park "What I've Done"
Rihanna f/ Jay-Z "Umbrella"
Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around... Comes Around"
Who Should Win: "Candyman." At some point in the past year, a guy walked into a room full of execs and said, "you know what we're gonna do in this video? We're gonna have 9 Aguileras, and they're all gonna be in sailor outfits." Give that man a goddamn prize, right now.
Who Will Win: Linkin Park. Not only are they an MTV favorite, but the "What I've Done" video features all sort of social messages, which MTV loves. You know what it doesn't feature, though? 9 Aguileras.
Who Shouldn't Win: "Beautiful Liar." With all due respect for the director, you could stick Beyonce and Shakira in the same video with a deaf-mute chimp directing and still come away with a hit.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Christina Aguilera wins, then goes into labor on stage, causing TMZ.com to explode.
Best Choreography
Beyonce f/ Shakira "Beautiful Liar"
Chris Brown "Wall to Wall"
Ciara "Like A Boy"
Eve "Tambourine"
Justin Timberlake "My Love"
Who Should Win: Justin Timberlake. His dance moves give hope to lame white guys everywhere.
Who Will Win: Beyonce & Shakira. Shakira taught Beyonce how to belly-dance for this video. Thank you, Shakira.
Who Shouldn't Win: Ciara. In the "Like A Boy" video, she dances around while dressed up like... you guessed it... a boy. Whoever came up with this idea should be inducted into the Charlize Theron "Monster" Hall of Shame, along with the guy who decided Jessica Alba should play a character called The Invisible Woman.
Craziest Thing That Could Happen During This Award: Chris Brown wins, gets really nervous, and cries for his mommy. You know, cause he's 12 years old.
Will any of this happen? I guess we'll have to wait until September 9th and see.
