Apparently, his estranged wife Dita Von Teese has his four taxidermied baboons, two monkeys, a white peacock, a turtle and a wild boar. Naturally, he wants them back. Why she took them in the first place remains to be answered.

 

I'm trying to figure out how, exactly, their breakup went down. Since it seems it had a lot to do with his relationship with 19-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood, one could assume Dita had enough when Manson came in early one morning [since we know he sleeps during the day], stinking of teenage girl.

 

I picture Dita throwing a fit, saying it was the last straw, and she was leaving. Books were thrown, insults were hurled, perhaps a few glasses of whiskey or vodka were smashed, and in the end, a mascara-tear-stained Dita went to collect her most important items [makeup case, a suitcase or two of clothing, taxidermy baboons] and took off in a huff of glamor.

 

And now, nearly six months later, Manson is mourning the loss of his extensive taxidermy collection. He told Stuff magazine, "I went through a dramatic lifestyle change with my home after the break-up. I left it. When you get separated, you lose so much. I don't know what she'll say when I ask for them back."

 

I'd take a guess, but considering that this is probably not a question often asked -- "hey, can I please have my stuffed baboons, boar, and peacock back?" -- it's hard to come up with a hypothetical answer. Especially since she actually has these items for some reason.

 

The question I really want to know the answer to is what exactly one does with four stuffed baboons? Do you set them up like a museum? Do you have a laugh and set them up at a table, perhaps in costume, perhaps having a spot of tea? Do you move them around, say, sticking one outside the bathroom door when your spouse is showering so they'll be shocked when they come out?

 

I just don't know. And that's the most vexing part.

 

P.S. 

See that picture? If there were word bubbles, they'd say:

Manson: "I'm sick of any lady over the age of 19, even if you are hot."

Von Teese: "I am sooo going to steal your baboons."