The recent accusation that someone put a hit out on Kevin Federline's life has turned out to be false. Rest easy.
Entertainment Weekly broke the story yesterday that Kevin Federline was allegedly in danger from a mystery hitman. Now, just one day later, the Los Angeles Police Department has closed the case due to insignificant evidence. The FBI was investigating possible threats against Federline, but handed the case down to the LAPD after discovering a lack of information regarding any such threats.
"There is no current investigation," said an LAPD spokesperson.
That was quick. I, for one, am glad to hear that K-Fed is out of danger. Although, are we sure he's really safe? I mean, has anyone seen Federline since the Super Bowl? I'm sure he's fine, but he could easily be buried in the desert outside Vegas right now, and I don't think anyone would notice the difference.
On to the more important issue: Who would want to kill Kevin Federline? Federline is the American Dream. He went from obscurity to fame and riches by marrying one of the hottest women in the country (at the time). He is an inspiration to all sub-standard men that they too can land a pop princess without possessing any identifiable positive qualities. He has it all, and he did as little as possible to get it. He achieved what we all strive for every day. If you hate Kevin Federline, you hate America. Shame on you, alleged mystery hitman.
