This is a true story. My brother and sister-in-law got married at the beginning of last summer (2006). It was a lovely ceremony. However, just as the wedding was starting, and the whole church was silent, my cousin's phone went off.
His ringtone? A little song called "I'm In Love With a Stripper." You might have heard of this song; it was a pretty big hit for a guy named T-Pain. Anyway, let's just say it was slightly awkward. I'm standing there with my mom, my sister-in-law is starting to walk the aisle for the biggest day of her entire life, and the song playing is about a chick who gives $5 lap dances at Dreamgirls. Probably not what my family had in mind.
Which leads us to the topic of the day. Choosing a ringtone is a big responsibility. You never know when your phone is going to ring, so you have to choose a ringtone that will be appropriate no matter what the situation.
Here are some situations where the wrong ringtone could be pretty awkward...
[FYI, you'll need audio for this.]
The Funeral
You go to a funeral. The eulogy is read, and there's not a dry eye in the room. The priest starts to close the casket, symbolizing that the funeral is about to end. Everybody in the church is silently weeping.
And then, your phone rings...
"Nice to Know You"
Vegas
You tell your girlfriend you're going on an all-guys vacation to Vegas. She's obviously seen those Vegas commercials, so she's concerned. You assure her that she has nothing to worry about, and that you love her very much.
And then, your phone rings...
"I'm a Flirt"
The Check-Up
You're a Gynecologist. A lovely young lady, who happens to be a brand new patient, comes in for a check-up. She's nervous about seeing a new doctor, but you tell her to relax, that you're a professional, and that there's no reason at all to worry. You begin the check-up.
And then, your phone rings...
"What's New Pussycat
AA
You're in the middle of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
And then, your phone rings...
"Buy You a Drank"
The Zookeeper
You're a zookeeper. Your zoo is closing for the night, and you're putting the animals to sleep. One of the chimps is over-excited, so you pick him up and try to rock him to sleep, as a parent would do with a young child. You thought the zoo was empty, but just then, a group of people comes around the corner.
And then, your phone rings...
"Bad Touch"
The Paraplegic
Your friend was recently involved in a terrible accident, in which he was left as a paraplegic. You go to visit him for the first time, and begin expressing your condolences.
And then, your phones rings...
"Jump Around"
Sobriety Checkpoint
You're driving home during the holidays, and you get stopped at a police DUI checkpoint. You've only had a couple drinks, but still, you're nervous. The police officer asks if you've been drinking tonight, to which you response, "absolutely not, officer."
And then, your phone rings...
"Rehab" / "Double Vision"
The Psychiatrist
You're a psychiatrist. One of your patients has just revealed a deep, dark secret and is feeling ashamed. You assure her that her feelings are perfectly normal.
And then, your phone rings...
"Maniac"
The Army
You join the Army. You're determined to make a great impression on your superiors, so you take the initiative, approach them, and tell them you've got the mental toughness to succeed even under the most difficult of circumstances.
And then, your phone rings...
"Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady"
The First Date
You go out on a first date, and things go very well. Conversation was flowing the entire night and your date looked beautiful. You decide that you really want this relationship to work out. You walk her to her door and tell her that you had a great time, and that you'd love to hang out again. She says how tough it is to meet nice, well-meaning guys, and that she'd absolutely love to get together again in the future. You lean in for a kiss.
And then, your phone rings...
"Nookie"
The Surgeon
You're a surgeon. You're about to perform open heart surgery, and your patient is --understandably -- extremely nervous. You assure him that everything will be fine. You're about to put him under and begin the procedure.
And then, your phone rings...
"I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight"
The Break-Up
Your girlfriend tells you she wants to break up. You agree that you don't have enough chemistry, but you still think she's a great person. "Let's still be friends," you say. "Even if we can't go out, I don't want to lose you from my life completely." She responds, "that's sweet."
And then, your phone rings...
"I'll Be Watching You"
Fenway Park
You're on vacation in Boston. You're walking by Fenway Park.
And then, your phone rings...
"New York New York"
The Interviewer
You're a manager at your company, and you're looking to hire someone new. A fresh, young college grad with high hopes comes in for an interview. You talk for awhile, go over his credentials, and tell him that he seems exceptionally qualified. You promise to review his information and give him a call once you've made your decision. He's just about to leave...
And then, your phone rings...
"Never Gonna Get It"
The Interviewee
You go in for a job interview. The hiring executive tells you you're extremely qualified and that he wants to make you a great offer. However, he expresses his concern about work ethic. "This is a demanding job," he says, "so I just want to make sure that you're willing to put in the hard work." You're about to speak up and convince him of your outstanding work ethic.
And then, your phone rings...
"Because I Got High"
The Bridge
You get the news. Your best friend has hit rock bottom, and is ready to end it all. He's standing on the edge of a massive bridge, surrounded by onlookers. You push through the crowd and plead with him to reconsider. You want to show him that his life is truly worth living. You say, "Listen to me closely..."
And then, your phone rings...
"Jump"
The Feminist Meeting
You're at a feminist meeting.
And then, your phone rings...
"Stand By Your Man"
Boyfriend Loses Job
Your boyfriend comes home and tells you he has terrible news. He's just lost his job, and is worried about the future. He feels terrible because he's concerned about providing for you and your child. You assure him that it's OK, and that you love him, and that together you'll overcome this little road block.
And then, your phone rings...
"No Scrubs"
The Wedding
You're at a wedding. The priest recites the famous line, "If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The room goes silent.
And then, your phone rings...
"Golddigger"
See how dangerous ringtones can truly be? Make sure you're extremely careful when selecting a ringtone, as it could potentially lead to a troublesome situation.
Or, you could just put your phone on vibrate, you inconsiderate jerk.
