Nickelback sucks.
How many times have you heard that? Hell, how many times have you said that? Or maybe you prefer a different variation of the phrase, such as "Nickelback fucking sucks," "Nickelback is the worst band of all-time," "Chad Kroeger has AIDS," or "Anyone who likes Nickelback is a stupid piece of white trash and should kill themselves immediately."
Why do so many people hate this band? Well, obviously it starts with the music. You've probably seen the website that plays two Nickelback songs simultaneously in order to prove that they're the exact same song. Many will argue that Nickelback succeeds by continually re-packaging and selling the same song over and over, in a slightly different manner each time. People will tell you that the song "If Everyone Cared" is the same as "Far Away," which is the same as "Photograph," which is the same as "Someday," which is the same as "How You Remind Me." and so on, and so on. The band is essentially a company selling a product to the mainstream public, and in no way represents the art form that music is supposed to be.
But that only partially explains the mass hatred for Nickelback. After all, lots of bands sound generic. The reason Nickelback is truly despised is because they're the best. Yes, no one is better at being generic and mediocre than Nickelback. They've mastered the craft and sold millions of records by adhering to this formula. And for this reason, the band represents mediocrity as an entity. When people say they hate Nickelback, what they're actually saying is that they hate all manufactured, corporate, and generic-sounding rock music. Saying "I hate Nickelback" is like saying "I hate music that sounds like it has already been done a thousand times, and I hate any band making that type of music." Nickelback haters are proclaiming that they want originality and creativity, and won't settle for something that blends in with the crowd.
Now, at this point I would like to clarify something. I am not here to support Nickelback. Both my personal opinion and their music are completely irrelevant in this argument. What I am supporting is the idea that hating Nickelback has become a huge contradiction. Hating Nickelback has become mainstream. It has become such a popular concept that it no longer carries the sentiment described in the paragraph above.
Consider the following:
-A Google search for the phrase "Nickelback sucks" turned up 305,000 results.
-A MySpace search for the same phrase turned up 6,950 results, including MySpace groups called "Nickelback Sucks," "Nickelback Sucks So Bad" and "Nickelback Sucks Ass."
-Facebook also has several anti-Nickelback groups, including "Nickelback Sucks," "I Think That Nickelback Sucks. Balls. And You Should Too.," "Hinder Probably Sucks Even Worse Than Nickelback," "Canadian Music Sucks," and the all-encompassing "How Come Mainstream Music Sucks So Badly?" This proves not only that Internet-saavy people hate Nickelback, but that Facebook group creators are much more clever than MySpace group creators.
Maybe you're not a numbers person. Well, how about some excerpts from across the web?
This article, courtesy of AssociatedContent.com, offers up the following quote:
"It's important to note that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and different musical tastes are part of what makes the world so interesting. That being said, anyone who enjoys the music of Nickelback is a complete and utter retard."
But that's just the opinion of one blogger, right? Wrong. Thousands of people online share that same sentiment, including some pretty reputable sources. This article, from the Calgary Herald, says that anyone who purchases a ticket to a Nickelback concert should lose the right to complain about anything, because spending money on Nickelback means they're too stupid to speak out on any semi-important issue. Hmm, the Calgary Herald, that's a pretty widespread and credible newspaper.
How about this message board thread from FullContactPoker.com, in which someone compares Nickelback to an abortion clinic. Nickelback hatred even spills over onto poker websites, apparently.
Or what about this site: www.nickelbacktshirt.com? It's selling a plain black t-shirt with the words "Nickelback sucks" on it. People actually despise Nickelback to the extent that they are purchasing t-shirts to profess their hatred.
These examples are some of the more entertaining and random findings from across the net, but believe me, they are only the tip of the anti-Nickelback iceberg. Everywhere you turn online, there's someone saying Nickelback can suck their balls, or telling you what Chad Kroeger should shove up his ass. Nickelback hatred has permeated our culture. Hating Nickelback has become mainstream.
I don't doubt that the retractors all genuinely dislike Nickelback. But the point is, a sentiment originally meant to lash out against the mainstream has become mainstream. Nickelback hatred occurs so frequently that it no longer holds any real meaning. In the irony of all ironies, saying you hate Nickelback because they're generic has actually become generic.
So, if liking Nickelback is generic, and hating Nickelback is generic, then you're pretty much screwed, right?
Yeah, pretty much.
Maybe we should all just stop talking about them.
(If you want to complain about the picture above, that's perfectly fine.)
