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Elvis wasn't, and isn't, considered The King for no reason. While he may not have royal blood, he earned his right to be The King by ruling rock and roll and keeping things infinitely real in a time when the poor guy was under fire for dancing by shaking his pelvis! There are many reasons why Elvis' music endures to this day. It's part his amazing good looks, part his legendary status, and mostly his raw talent. Elvis was actually so talented, if he'd invented a way to take his talent and give it away to less talented people, he'd still be the most talented guy around. Naturally, this is why people still buy his albums and want his songs as ringtones on their phones.
There is much debate amongst Elvis fans as to whether or not he actually died in 1977. As such, this article is now written much in the style of the "choose your own adventure" books. Should you believe Elvis is dead? Read the next paragraph. Do you believe he's still alive? Skip the next paragraph and go directly to the one after it.
If you believe Elvis is dead: Elvis is clearly in heaven, with all the other amazing and talented people who were taken from us way too soon. He's actually in the VIP section, and he likes to look down on us, here on earth, a lot. It's sort of a hobby of his. He's sort of like Santa Claus, really -- he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. That said, he also really likes it when you buy his stuff. Turns out, even in heaven, you maintain quite an ego and he likes his to be fed. So if you don't get some Elvis ringtones, he may cry. Do you want The King to cry? No, and here's why: do you know where rain comes from? Heaven. It means the dead people up there are crying. When Elvis cries, the tears are larger than life, much like he was when he walked this mortal coil. As such, Elvis' tears are the leading cause of hurricanes, monsoons, and other wet-weather phenomenons. So do yourself -- and the world -- a favor. Don't make Elvis cry. Download some Elvis ringtones today.
If you believe Elvis is alive: Elvis is clearly in hiding, with all the other amazing and talented people who simply couldn't take the pressures of fame and had to get out of the spotlight. He's living in a small town, somewhere, and may have more than one residence. All of those residences and disguises and paying people off to not expose him as Elvis costs a lot of money. If you don't get some Elvis ringtones, The King may have to get a job. He could end up being a Fry Cook at a seedy diner, or a janitor at a school. Do you want to see that happen? Is that remotely befitting The King? I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say, "no, it is not." So do yourself -- and Elvis -- a favor. Don't make Elvis get a crappy job he doesn't want. Download some Elvis ringtones today.
