Apparently, Ireland is running low on the old sperm supply, and they're in a bit of a quandry about how to deal with this issue. According to the spermfortickets Web site, which I am still not entirely convinced is anything more than a good joke, the fertility clinics are in a "crisis," with donations down by 40% and demand outstripping supply. So what are they going to do? Trade virile young men tickets to any festival in Europe, simply for a cup of their sperm.
And they're making it easy, too. They'll take it from anywhere in Europe, and have a quick courier system in place to ensure that the donors can fill that cup in the privacy of their own home and whisk it off to the facility... and then get tickets to any European festival of their choice.
I, for one, can't see any potential problems with this system. For example, let's say some dude just can't afford a ticket to Download festival. No problem -- he whacks off into a cup and just like that -- he's off. The only mistake I think they made, since I'm sure men who trade their bodily fluids via the mail to get concert tickets will be of the finest caliber around, is they could have thrown in travel and hotel in order to ensure the upper echelon of music fans ship their man juice on over. Not that I am doubting they'll be getting quality men as it is -- after all, who doesn't want to be inseminated with the sperm of a dude who said, "Sweet! My spunk can get me in to see Motorhead!"
Despite the seemingly shady practices, the company in question ensures quality for potential customers who will be making use of the sperm. At the same time, they also say they're aiming to get younger-than-average donors, as well. This is interesting, since on their home page, they say donors range from 18-50 normally. Is this finally the answer to the prayers of barren ladies everywhere who always wanted to have a baby with an underage Linkin Park fan, but didn't want to risk the pesky laws about doing so the natural way?
Here's what they company claims to ensure:
Colour of eyes, colour of hair, height, weight, type of build, race, peculiarities of appearance (eg. complexion), age, education/occupation, blood type, karyotyping, psychological profile, and infectious screening results.
Shouldn't be much of a problem with mailed in sperm that was traded for festival tickets! I'm sure nobody would lie about their peculiarities or psychological profile [does "traded sperm for Glastonbury ticket" go in said profile?] in order to take advantage of this deal.
Ah, who knows? This could be the best idea ever, for all I know. Maybe I'm just annoyed that there's no female equivalent for this, that somehow involves me seeing bands I like for free. Then again, I do date and all... okay... I'm not going there. It's not as if I have money to fly to Europe, either way.
