[This article is by Tom of TakeThisSeriously.com]
Welcome to Carrie Underwood Day on Shoutmouth. Carrie has a new album out today, called Carnival Ride. It's an appropriate title, because every guy wants to ride her like the Pirate Ship (minus the vomiting afterwards). Underwood, despite being relatively new to the music world, has already become one of America's national treasures.
Earlier today, I was having a conversation with my colleague iDrew, in which I referred to Carrie as the "Eighth Wonder of the World."
Then I realized something. Carrie isn't the Eighth Wonder of the World; not at all. She's actually better than the original Seven Wonders.
It's time to see how The Seven Wonders of the World stack up against Carrie Underwood. There are many different definitions of what make up the Seven Wonders, but we're going with the "Seven Natural Wonders of the World" (which excludes all man-made objects), because like the Grand Canyon and Mount Everest, Carrie is an all-natural beauty.
Let's get to it...
Mount Everest - This is a tough match-up. Mt. Everest is over 29,000 feet tall, making it the largest mountain in the world. 203 people have died attempting to reach the summit. It's also a great source of tourism revenue for the country of Nepal.
That's all pretty impressive, but it's got nothing on Carrie Underwood. Underwood has sold 6 million copies of Some Hearts, so she's a huge source of revenue as well. WAY more than 203 people would die if they had the chance to hook up with Carrie Underwood. Also, can you name a guy who made it to the top of Everest? There's Edmund Hillary, but let's be honest, it took you a minute to think of him. Now, name a guy who hooked up with Carrie Underwood.
Tony Romo. No hesitation. It's pretty obvious which one is the real accomplishment.
Victoria Falls - This great
waterfall, located between the African nations of Zimbabwe
and Zaire,
is the largest in the world, and features some amazing visual scenes, including
rainbows and wildlife. It's pretty
amazing.
On the other hand, rainbows are kinda gay, and who hasn't seen a lion? That's why we have zoos. Underwood wins.
Great Barrier Reef - Australia's Great Barrier Reef consists of 3,000 individual reefs and stretches for 1,600 miles. It can be seen from outer space.
That all sounds good in theory, but you know what's in the reef? Sharks. Sharks bite girls' arms off, making them disfigured and unattractive. So the Great Barrier Reef is contributing to unattractiveness. Carrie Underwood, on the other hand, is significantly raising the world's average attractiveness.
Northern Lights - This is the phenomenon also known as Aurora Borealis, in which a green glow can be seen from certain areas in the Northern Hemisphere.
That's all well and good, but Aurora Borealis only usually occurs between September-October and March-April. That's only four months a year. Conversely, you can go to YouTube and watch the "Before He Cheats" video whenever you want.
Harbor of Rio de Janiero - Please. A bunch of sailors in the 1500s found this harbor, and thought it was the opening of a giant river. Turns out it was just a harbor. There are tons of harbors in the world. There's only one Carrie Underwood. Rio does get credit for the magnificent Jesus Statue, but Carrie Underwood gets credit for popularizing the phrase "Jesus Take The Wheel," so that's a wash.
Paricutin Volcano - Oh, come on. This volcano hasn't erupted since 1952. It's never even killed anyone. In fact, I bet you've never heard of it before now. And it's supposed to compete with Carrie Underwood? Next...
Grand Canyon - Finally, a formidable opponent. The Grand Canyon, created over the course of 6 million years by the powerful Colorado River, is truly a sight to behold. It is 277 miles long and 18 miles across at its widest point. After seeing its vast size, Native Americans settled there, building communities and finding shelter within the Canyon's caves. When Europeans finally discovered the Grand Canyon just a few hundred years ago, they set out on exploratory missions to examine all of the canyon's marvelous beauty. To this day, the Grand Canyon remains a national landmark, a vacation destination, and a prime example of Americana.
On the other hand, Carrie Underwood won season 4 of "American Idol," beating out runner-up Bo Bice by a very solid margin. She was the choice of the American people. Did we vote for the Grand Canyon? No. We just showed up and it was there. But Carrie Underwood was our choice. We spent 99 cents on text messages and used up our daytime minutes to call in and vote her through to victory. We shed blood, sweat and tears, and watched hundreds of Coke commercials in order to make Carrie our American Idol.
Then again, the Grand Canyon is pretty enormous. This one could really go either way. Therefore, I submit to you this one final question: Who would you rather do, the Grand Canyon or Carrie Underwood?
I rest my case.
And there you have it. Carrie Underwood is officially the "First Wonder of the World."
You can preview Carrie's new CD at AOL Music.
