According to a story in the upcoming issue of the National Enquirer, Britney Spears attempted suicide two times in the hours following her bizarre head-shaving incident last Friday. First -- get this -- Britney tried to take her own life by walking into oncoming traffic, and was saved by her staff at the last moment. Later in the night she was taken to a doctor after threatening to overdose on Xanax. Reportedly, these suicide attempts occured after a meeting with Kevin Federline, in which Federline warned Britney about their children and the effects of her recent behavior. According to the Enquirer, Federline was planning an intervention for Spears.
Alright, before we judge, let's reiterate one last time that this story comes from the National Enquirer. I think it was next to a story about a half-man, half-alien baby that was raised by alligators. So we should probably take it with a grain of ground-up Xanax until there are similar reports from other news outlets. But if this is true, it's pretty messed up. I mean, really, who commits suicide by walking into traffic? At least lie down on the highway lines like in The Program. The whole Britney ordeal is pretty messed up in general, but on the bright side, at least Kevin Federline is starting to look like a great guy.
