Yesterday, Chris Cornell released Carry On, his second solo album and the first since the break-up of Audioslave. The album has more of a pop sound than any of Cornell's previous works, and -- possibly as a result -- it is getting a lot of poor reviews from critics.

 

I was going to review the album myself, but then I decided to ask my friend Trent for his thoughts instead. You see, Trent was a buddy of mine back in the early 90s. In November of 1994, during a deep-sea fishing incident off the shore of Nova Scotia, he fell in the water and suffered severe hypothermia. Doctors decided that the only way to save his life was to cryogenically freeze him for the next 12 and 1/2 years. Don't ask me how they came to this conclusion; I'm not a doctor. The point is, Trent was just unfrozen this morning. He called me up to share the news, and during our conversation, I told him I work for a music website and asked him to review the new Chris Cornell album. Trent was a HUGE Soundgarden fan back in the day, so I figure, who better to give their opinion?

 

You're probably thinking, "wait, he was just unfrozen after nearly 13 years... shouldn't he have something better to do?"

 

Sadly, no.

 

Here is Trent's email...

 

 

 

What's up buuuuddddy,

 

 

So I'm unfrozen now. I feel just like that movie Encino Man, except my career isn't going as well as Brendan Fraser or Pauly Shore's. I've only been awake for a few hours and I'm already amazed by the advances in technology that have occurred since 1994. I can't believe someone hooked up my typewriter to a TV screen - it's totally gnarly, man!

 

I was listening to the Chris Cornell CD you sent over earlier. It took me two listens to realize it was really Chris Cornell and not just someone doing a bad Chris Cornell impression. For awhile I thought you were just messing with me, like, "this can't possibly be the same guy who sang in Temple of the Dog." I was about to come over and kick your ass, man. Homey don't play dat!! Nah, who am I kidding? That would've been a hilarious prank. Man, someone should make a TV show with hidden cameras where they play pranks on other people. Like "Candid Camera," but you know, more up-to-date. It would be hilarious!

 

So yeah, I wasn't impressed. But then I remembered that I've been frozen for over 12 years. I guess nobody's voice can be at its peak for that long. It seems like Cornell has learned to work with what he's got, rather than trying to re-create his "Black Hole Sun" howl. It's like if Michael Jordan started losing a little bit of his athletic ability and adapted his game, shooting precise fade-away jumpers instead of driving to the hole every time. I have no idea if Jordan did that, since I've been frozen for the past 12 years, but I could see it happening. Cornell's not perfect, though. He does stretch his voice a little at times, like on the opening song of the CD, "No Such Thing." When I heard him straining to hit those notes, I was like, "Daaaamnn Gina!!!"

 

I was also amazed because I heard a lot of pop and gospel influence on this album. That's a huge change for the man who sang "Outshined." At first I thought, "aww, come on man, don't fake the funk," but after a few listens I came to my senses and realized that everyone matures and tries out new styles eventually. We shouldn't criticize Cornell for this. We should praise him for it. We're not worthy!! We're not worthy!!!! I mean, who knows what's next, maybe he'll try some type of music that sounds like Rage Against the Machine. Anything's possible, I guess!

 

I really like the positive attitude that Cornell has developed on this album. The songs are so much more uplifting than anything he did in his Soundgarden days. When I heard the lyrics "I've never seen but I believe in a promised land" on the song "Safe and Sound," I couldn't believe they came from the same guy who once sang "Fell on Black Days" and "The Day I Tried to Live." He always had glimpses of hope in his lyrics, but now he seems to fully embrace the attitude. Cornell's future looks more promising than Jonathan Brandis'!!

 

Hey, while we're here, I wanted to ask you about 2007. What's going on, man? I've been frozen for 12 years and I'm totally out of it. Seriously dude, the last I remember, Green Day and U2 were the biggest bands in the world and there was never-ending conflict in the Middle East. Has that whole Israel-PLO thing been settled yet? They must've reached a resolution, right? It's been like 15 years. What about AIDS? Certainly the world must have made astounding progress on that front. Or did we focus on feeding the starving people in Somalia instead? And what about the guy who played Doogie Howser, has he gone on to anything bigger? You know how much I used to love that show. That guy must get all the chicks now.

 

Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Bottom line, I hated the Chris Cornell CD at first. But then I realized that I was just stuck in 1994. I was being hindered by my unrealistic expectations. Once I listened to the album for what it is instead of what I wanted it to be, I discovered that it is a solid piece of work by an ever-evolving artist.

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I haven't gone to the bathroom since the unfreezing and I have to piss like a racehorse. I'll give you a buzz soon. You still have the same beeper number? We can go down to mall - we'll grab some Crystal Pepsis and then we'll stop at Britches so I can get some new flannel shirts.

 

 

Peace in the Middle East,

Trent

 

(PS - My mom said she would send this letter for me via "E-Mail." I assume that's some kind of high priority postal service, so you should probably receive it within the next few days.)

 

 

 

Well said, Trent, well said.