I was hoping we'd all have accepted that 50 Cent was just talking trash when he said he'd retire if he didn't outsell Kanye West when the two went head-to-head when releasing their latest albums. Or at the very least, we'd all have moved on, since the dude made it clear he's not retiring. And realistically, I think most of us have.
Except, of course, for The Resistance.
Who is The Resistance?
[a] A group Captain Picard has to fight on "Star Trek: The Next Generation"
[b] The group of teenagers who fight the Communists in the 1980s classic Red Dawn
[c] A kooky Christian "media watchdog group" with nothing better to do
If you answered [c], you get a cookie. [Picard generally tangled with The Borg and the Red Dawn kids called themselves "Wolverines."]
Anyway, The Resistance's collective feathers have been ruffled by 50 Cent reneging on his retirement promise. The group's representative, Mark Dice, showed his deep understanding of the Christian tenet of "love thy brother" when he made a statement about 50:
"It is time for 50 Cent to be a man of his word, and retire. The world will be a better place when this satanic piece of filth retires and stops making music."
It is important to note that this group's last major crusade was against the female anchors on Fox news -- claiming female anchors on the network wore shorter skirts than prostitutes being arrested on cop shows. They're also trying to raise $10,000 for something or another on their official Web site [content warning: this site might cause you to lose IQ points], but seem to have stalled at $220. Which is about $220 more than I'd have expected them to get when these are the best crusades they can come up with: lengthen news anchor skirts and make 50 Cent retire?
By the way, what the hell is with the 50 Cent-looking photo of The Resistance's founder, Mark Dice, which I found on his MySpace? I was going to say "stay tuned for my next campaign, which involves getting this 29-year-old guy with no apparent physical deformities laid..." but I'm not so sure that there are enough pills on the market to fix whatever is actually wrong with his head.
Beyond the rather bold statement about 50 Cent, the group has asked followers to leave comments on 50's MySpace, encouraging him to shun Satan and keep his word on retirement, thus, improving the entire world. Over on 50's page? Nothing but a bunch of "listen to my music" spam. Better luck next time, crazy fringe group!
