I was hoping we'd all have accepted that 50 Cent was just talking trash when he said he'd retire if he didn't outsell Kanye West when the two went head-to-head when releasing their latest albums. Or at the very least, we'd all have moved on, since the dude made it clear he's not retiring. And realistically, I think most of us have.

 

Except, of course, for The Resistance.

 

Who is The Resistance?

[a] A group Captain Picard has to fight on "Star Trek: The Next Generation"

[b] The group of teenagers who fight the Communists in the 1980s classic Red Dawn

[c] A kooky Christian "media watchdog group" with nothing better to do

 

If you answered [c], you get a cookie. [Picard generally tangled with The Borg and the Red Dawn kids called themselves "Wolverines."]

 

Anyway, The Resistance's collective feathers have been ruffled by 50 Cent reneging on his retirement promise. The group's representative, Mark Dice, showed his deep understanding of the Christian tenet of "love thy brother" when he made a statement about 50:

 

"It is time for 50 Cent to be a man of his word, and retire. The world will be a better place when this satanic piece of filth retires and stops making music."

 

It is important to note that this group's last major crusade was against the female anchors on Fox news -- claiming female anchors on the network wore shorter skirts than prostitutes being arrested on cop shows. They're also trying to raise $10,000 for something or another on their official Web site [content warning: this site might cause you to lose IQ points], but seem to have stalled at $220. Which is about $220 more than I'd have expected them to get when these are the best crusades they can come up with: lengthen news anchor skirts and make 50 Cent retire?

 

By the way, what the hell is with the 50 Cent-looking photo of The Resistance's founder, Mark Dice, which I found on his MySpace? I was going to say "stay tuned for my next campaign, which involves getting this 29-year-old guy with no apparent physical deformities laid..." but I'm not so sure that there are enough pills on the market to fix whatever is actually wrong with his head.

 

Beyond the rather bold statement about 50 Cent, the group has asked followers to leave comments on 50's MySpace, encouraging him to shun Satan and keep his word on retirement, thus, improving the entire world. Over on 50's page? Nothing but a bunch of "listen to my music" spam. Better luck next time, crazy fringe group!

When 50 Cent was having his fake feud with Kanye West this summer, he promised to retire if Kanye's album outsold his.

 

When both albums were released, Kanye's outsold 50's.

 

Now, 50 tells the NY Daily News:

 

No, I'm not retiring.

 

What an interesting turn of events. I think people would be pretty upset with 50 if anyone actually believed his promise to begin with. 50 did justify his retirement-policy-reversal by saying that his album was #1 in Europe, and therefore he did outsell Kanye. Oh, of course, we were going by European sales figures! How did we not realize that? I'm starting to wonder how many of 50's career moves involved technicalities like this. Did the guy actually get shot 9 times? Or were 7 of those shots from a paintball gun? When he's in da club, is he really into havin' sex and not into makin' love, or does he secretly enjoy spooning? Does he really have 21 questions, or is it more like 16 questions and 5 qualifying statements? Is he really sick of using technology, or does he still approve of certain electronic devices like iPods and cell phones?

 

I don't know what to believe anymore.

 

 

50 Cent is pissed. His new video for the song "I'll Still Kill" has been censored for television. Now, granted, this song contains some censor-worthy lyrics, but the levels of lameness that this censorship entails are unprecedented.

 

Say goodbye to "I'll Still Kill." Say hello to "I'll Still Will." Oh yes, that's the new name of the song. Nevermind the fact that "kill" isn't a swear word, but "I'll Still Will" doesn't even make any ****ing sense. Is the song about an 80-year old man who gets shot 9 times but still goes ahead with dividing up his assets amongst his grandchildren? I ****ing hate when these **********s edit ***t into some ****ing lame **s *******t that no one can ****ing understand.

 

50 said of the censors:

 

I don't think they have a problem with the group the Killers being called the Killers. I don't think anyone's protesting that Guns N' Roses is called Guns N' Roses. I just think that their perception of me is dark, so they're going to ask for those things to be changed, you know what I mean?

 

Also, and this is the worst part, the entire chorus is nothing but silence. This part I understand, as some of the actual lyrics are unfit for play on TV or radio. Way to pick a radio-friendly single, 50. Here's the actual chorus (sung by Akon):

 

When I hit the block I still will kill
And I don't want to, n***a but I will if I got to
Kill, if n***az get to f**kin around
If n***az get to f**kin around

 

Here's the edited version:

 

When I hit the block, I still will...

And I don't want to...

But I will if I got to...

...

...

...

...

...

Around

 

Yep. It's a great song, too, making this massacre all the more pathetic. How many times must I bring this up? Rappers used to make edited versions of their songs. They were radio-friendly, and they were totally different than the original version, so listeners who bought the CD were getting two songs for the price of one. You could make a mix tape with the clean version of "Dre Day" and the dirty version of "Dre Day" back-to-back, and you wouldn't even realize it was the same song. Now, we get choruses like, "When I... I don't... Man... I been... You... Fly... Cash... Watch out!!!" So lame. On the other hand, censors have gone so far that it's hard to blame 50 Cent. In the aforementioned "Dre Day," Snoop Dogg rapped about a "dick in ya mouth," but it was edited to say "gat in ya mouth." Nowadays, would "gat" not be edited out of a song? The words that used to be the safe replacements for edited words have now become the edited words. Where will it end, darn it?

 

Here is the clean version of "I'll Still Will." Take a listen to the chorus. People who talk about jazz music sometimes say that the silence in between notes is just as important as the notes themselves. That clearly doesn't apply to gangsta rap.

 

 

When T.I. got arrested for treating his gun dealer like a Costco, we knew he was going to be in some serious trouble. But if 50 Cent is correct, then T.I. could be headed for a very, very long jail sentence.



Am I the only one who thinks it's funny that 50 Cent is giving these quotes while shooting a video for a song called "I'll Still Kill?"

If you haven't heard the latest big rap news, Nas is planning on titling his new album N****r. Nas' record label is standing behind this decision, and the album is scheduled for release on December 11th.



Not everyone is supportive, however.

50 Cent and company are about to release the sophomore G-Unit disc, Shoot to Kill, due out December 18^th, and it will feature ... drumroll please ... a Lil Kim collabo. Miss Info blogged that 50 and the somewhat wreckless Lil Kim have smoothed over whatever differences they had in the past to record "Magic Stick 2: Wanna Lick." Ewww.

One of rap music's most famous homophobes, Ja Rule is still going at 50 Cent regardless of the fact that nobody really cares all that much. Well, that is other than to get a good laugh from Ja. His latest ramblings on Fiddy are as big, bad and silly as ever.

"I think he really, really admires me. He admires my work, he admires my music, my talent level. He admires all of that. But I don't see him as a talent. Because for me he's more of a spectacle. And that's why he's not meeting the bar [right now]. When you come in this business as a spectacle, you're gonna have a short-lived career. Because now every time you drop, you have to meet that spectacle. People aren't looking for the music anymore [from him]. It's [a matter of,] can you match the intensity of the spectacle you created on your last project? His projects aren't even about the music. Every record he puts out is about the other artist he's [been] aligned with [to battle]," Ja said.

While the rest of Connecticut is celebrating "Yacht Club Day," the city of Bridgeport has decided to celebrate "50 Cent Day." Mayor John Fabrizi declared the informal holiday, and will present Fitty with a key to the city and an official proclamation later today.



Obviously the city was impressed with some of 50's inspirational lyrics. Like, say, these...

We're on day four since the end of the first-week sales battle between 50 Cent and Kanye West but instead of a retirement announcement, 50 has re-scheduled his European dates. He'll head overseas in November.

Now that the dust has settled in a long, brutal and annoying first-week sales battle between Kanye West and 50 Cent, let's be honest, who really cares? So, because we all feel a bit duped by 50 Cent and Kanye West, I figured it was right to try and get some value out of their little ego-to-self make out session. Here are some things that the first-week sales battle taught us.

So 50 Cent said he was going to retire if he lost the first-week sales battle to Kanye West. Well, he lost and now he's finally responded.