I'll bet you grew up on "your parents' music" -- whatever that is. You love The Beatles or The Rolling Stones, Willie Nelson, or whoever. Not me. This sounds strange, especially because music is my life, but my parents never listened to music.
It's not like I grew up in some sort of strange house where forms of entertainment were prohibited and we had to wear ankle-length dresses, given only a ball and a stick to play with. We had normal things, like television and a stereo, and access to music, but as far as I am concerned, music began around 1980 or so, when I was old enough to turn on a radio and find something that appealed to me.
While writing this, I decided to call my mom up, and on the condition of being known as nothing more than "pixie's mom," she agreed to let me transcribe her views on a bunch of well-known artists. My mom is 67 years old, and was a teenager in the 1950s, so a lot of people would expect her to have at least some fondness for some of the foundations of rock and roll, right?
Wrong.
The Beatles: "Psssht! Get real! They were druggies!"
The Rolling Stones: "Oh please, and they have no talent. They were just noise-makers."
Led Zeppelin: "Meh." [I think this was her most positive reaction]
Janis Joplin: "I don't know much about her, I don't care to. I think she was a druggie."
Elvis Presley: "Ehhhh. I didn't like him. He really... just was... I don't like anybody that the papers or the TV decide you will like and you just do. Because people are like lemmings and like what they're told to like."
Jimi Hendrix: "Oh, please. No. Nooo. I don't like anybody that makes noise and not music; there's a difference."
Donna Summer: "No. I don't know her. I don't care to know much about her and I don't want to."
Johnny Cash: "I don't like country music! They're a bunch of tear-jerking idiots who want you to feel sorry for them in their song. The kid got run over, the dog got shot, the cat ate the pig... do you realize in all their songs, somebody dies or the kids runs away or the wife cheats? It's always the same!"
The Jackson Five: "That's one that was made up by the papers... oh, look at the kids! But they just squealed, and then that one ended up molesting kids."
So I asked her if there was anything -- anything at all -- she did like:
"I liked old big bands, and people who could sing a song, with a melody. Like, um, Dean Martin. There were so many people, I don't remember. They had a song. They weren't biting freaking chicken heads off and screaming."
And why didn't my mom listen to music at all? "I was too busy! I had three kids and a husband who worked all time!" [Apparently, my mom wasn't allowed to listen to music at home as a kid, because there were too many people in the house; hence, she never played it in our house].
So then I started to ask her about the music I discovered when I was a kid:
Culture Club: "That fruitcake! Boy George drove me nuts."
Cyndi Lauper: "She's just an idiot. Duh." [I can't believe she escaped blame for me dyeing my hair]
Madonna: "She was the hooker of the year. She was a whore. She still is, even if she has kids."
"See, it all goes together and grates on my nerves. I have acute hearing, and everything is hideously loud and I find it very offensive. I don't like the language in the music today... like anything with rap, Jesus, they ought to take that and burn it! When you call girls hoes and stuff, that's disgusting, and killing people! That's just noise. Noise pollution"
What about Britney Spears? Jessica Simpson? "WHAT? Are you kidding me? They have no talent! They are figments of the press' imagination and people listen to this. Oh look what Britney did, you're dumb enough to shave your head, you ought to stick in the ground as well! She's not too bright!"
Christina Aguilera: "I've heard her. I don't like her. She like the American Idols? They're horrid. They scream. They don't sing!"
As you can imagine, life was interesting when I was a teenager myself and discovered punk. My mom, who considers pop music to be noise, and me, listening to Dead Kennedys, Ramones, Misfits, and other punk bands? Not a good mix. Neither was my youngest sister's brief dalliance with rap -- though I think she gave up based upon the constant screams of "NOISE! NOISE!"
So there you have it. I guess some people just don't like music -- my mom certainly wasn't passionate about the stuff she did like, seeing as she couldn't even name the singers... but that's pretty much how I grew up.
How I came to be someone who claims music is my life and works as a music writer baffles pretty much everyone, but, perhaps the old saying is true: the more someone is denied something, the more they want it.
