Sorry ladies, Robbie's heart has been won by a bit of a cougar -- ex-model Clare Staples. Mom?? Is that you?
Reportedly, the two have been a couple for about six months, and have been spotted around Los Angeles with celebrities such as Jude Law and her ex-fiancee, Paul Mckenna [a famed hypnotist of some sort.]
Our best friend in the world, an anonymous onlooker, said "They couldn't keep their hands to themselves. No one could take their eyes off Robbie and Clare because they were all over each other. He was constantly touching her legs and whispering in her ear. Then things got a bit heated. They went to get the key to Clare's room and disappeared into the bedroom for 15 minutes. They must fancy the pants off each other."
Pause.
EWWW.
Return.
Here's where it gets really good, though. Staples -- who is only 39 -- actually wrote a book called "Everything I Know About Men I Learnt From My Dog." One can assume that she knows very little about men, especially considering this synopsis of the book from Amazon.com:
"Highlights the similarities between men and dogs
and shows women how to stay in control and keep their men on a tight
lead. This book contains secrets and information on how to make
relationships work."
Nothing works better than "keeping a men on a tight lead," they just love being bossed around by women who compare them to dogs. As a side note: imagine if a man wrote a book called "Everything I Know About Women I Learnt From My Bitch," with a picture of a poodle on the cover? Controversy! Hellfire! Misogyny! I don't see why women get a free pass at these sorts of things.
Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. I just can't get this horrible juxtaposed image of this lady and Robbie Williams, and the "South Park" where Cartman learns about the "red rocket." And I assure you, the thought of her yelling "red rocket, red rocket, red rocket!" at Robbie Williams is nauseating me beyond words.
