Paris Hilton is Out of Jail

Paris Hilton has been released from prison. As everyone on Earth knows by now, the heiress served a three week sentence after driving with a suspended license (the charges stemmed from a 2006 DUI).

And thus begins a new chapter in the life of Paris Hilton. Of course, with every beginning comes an end. With that in mind, we are officially retiring Paris Hilton from Shoutmouth until she does something involving music. She's been flaunting her pseudo-musician status for too long, dammit. All she has to do is record one note, and we'll let her back. But she needs to do something.

Paris will also be considered for coverage if any of the following things happen...

1) She kills someone

2) She makes a new sex tape with Kim Kardashian

3) She interviews with us, in person and wasted

4) She is arrested for holding children in a well, a la Silence of the Lambs

5) The suits in our marketing department make me retract and cover her

So, with that, we bid Ms. Hilton farewell.

This video should serve as a fitting sendoff...