My Life Has Not Yet Been Changed

Angels & Airwaves have a new album out this week, called I-Empire.

Since the band began, singer Tom DeLonge has repeatedly claimed that listening to A&A is a life-changing experience. In fact, he said that the life-changing will occur over a period of 30 years (this being year 2 of the process). Listen to Angels & Airwaves, and in just 30 short years, your life will be completely different. If you think I'm making this up, I'm not. Here's the story.

Last week, in anticipation of I-Empire's release, Tom told fans what he thinks the ideal listening experience would be. He said:

Please take a short 55 minutes to enjoy the album. Listen to it blasting from your car, maybe on a hill over-looking a city... and all the while, pretend that the city, as it stretches far beyond the horizon, is all yours for the taking.

Yeah...

I downloaded I-Empire earlier today and prepared to have my life changed. However, I forgot to heed Tom's advice, thus endangering my potential for life changing. Fortunately, I was IMing with my colleague pixie at the time, and she saved me from what would have surely been a non-life-changing disaster.

Here is the unedited transcript:

TomZ: my life is currently being changed
pixie: Haha
pixie: At first, I thought -- oh god, what NOW?
TomZ: first song, not that bad
TomZ: I've only listend to one song
pixie: what I have heard of it... it's a lot better than the first album
TomZ: my life changes have been minimal so far
pixie: 28.7 years before you get the full effect
TomZ: wait
TomZ: my life just changed
pixie: impressive
TomZ: no wait, i'm just thirsty
pixie: that's a change
pixie: wait!!!
pixie: TOM
pixie: you are supposed to be overlooking a city
pixie: on a cliff
TomZ: oh shit
pixie: imagining it is all yours
pixie: you're doing it wrong!
TomZ: I stopped it
TomZ: I'm in a room overlooking a swingset right now
TomZ: that's not right
pixie: seriously, you could actually lower your chances of life change if you don't do it correctly
TomZ: thank god you're here
pixie: maybe you could build a lego city
pixie: and overlook that
TomZ: would that work
pixie: if you can't find a proper cliff
TomZ: what are the rules about this "city"
TomZ: is there a population minimum
pixie: he didn't mention that
TomZ: could I be on a cliff in schenectady NY
TomZ: or does it have to be a major metropolis
pixie: you're definitely supposed to feel like you can conquer the city
TomZ: I can conquer schenectady
pixie: again, not specified... but I think you'll be okay
TomZ: well, what's the point of conquering a city if it's not a city you want to conquer
pixie: maybe you are supposed to start small
pixie: and then build up to say, taking out Tokyo
pixie: 30 year plan and all?
TomZ: yeah, well that's the flip side, I don't want to overextend
pixie: right, you can't just march up to San Francisco and take it right this second
TomZ: godzilla had it all wrong
TomZ: I'm gonna conquer tokyo by listening to angels & airwvaes
pixie: Nice.