Danny Holland is the president and founder of "Parent & Teen Universities, Inc." and he was the key speaker at the Utah Gang Conference this week. Apparently, Utah is a major hotbed of gang activity. Danny's main foes? Insane Clown Posse. No, really.

 

I had to check the date of this article in the Deseret News to make sure I wasn't reading an article from 1994. But alas, it was posted today, March 30, 2007, a day when the apparent threat of Insane Clown Posse and the "Juggalos" [a nickname for the band's fans, who are also officially a gang as of today] was made known in the brave state of Utah, which is currently faced with the challenge of ending the Juggalos' reign of terror.

 

According to the article, the Juggalos, and by extension, the Insane Clown Posse, became a problem in the state around 2004, when the police started following the group. Utah's Juggalos are considered "extremely violent and aggressive." Utah police take the Juggalos so seriously, a detective on the force there spoke for two hours, to "a packed room."

About Juggalos:

 

The article itself claims, "Today, there are an estimated 3,000 to 4,000 Juggalos in Utah. About 70 percent of them are simply fans of the music who live the lifestyle preached in the music, which includes drinking, pot smoking and sex." The detective in question added, ""I don't believe the majority of them are gang members. They're right on the edge. But about 15 percent are involved in criminal gang activity and overshadowing the rest of the Juggalos who may be peaceful."

 

There is no word on what the other 15 percent of Juggalos are, but I'm guessing they're quadrapalegic hermaphrodite hookers. May want to get on that, detective.

 

Another pressing problem within the Juggalo gangs in Utah? Girls. That's right. The fair sex are, according to Utah's crack detective squad, "vicious and calculating." They also believe, "Younger girls are also being recruited into the gang lifestyle as strippers." They added, "In a recent survey of eighth-grade girls, the third most popular occupation of choice was exotic dancer."

 

To sum:

In Utah, the biggest gang problem is Insane Clown Posse fans.

In Utah, they know there are about 3,000-4,000 people who are Insane Clown Posse fans.


Sidenote:
We now know who bought their new album last week.

Further:

In Utah, eighth graders not only work, but are strippers.

In Utah, the strippers probably wear black and white clown makeup on their faces.

In Utah, it's best to avoid the strip clubs entirely.