April Fools Day is right around the corner. That means, right now, a bunch of young kids are planning pranks that seems hilarious to them, yet in actuality really aren't that funny at all. It means that stores are rapidly selling out of shaving cream, eggs and toilet paper. It also means that cops have to work overtime, and are about to take out their frustrations on a bunch of young punks.
And of course, it means a brand new Billboard 200 Chart. This week marks a monumental victory on the charts: For the first time ever, an indie album is number one. Hopefully this isn't just an April Fools joke.
Speaking of jokes, wouldn't it be funny to see the artists on the top of this week's Billboard Chart involved in some April Fools pranks?
Here are your top ten albums of the week...
1) Modest Mouse We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank (129,000 copies sold) - Ladies and gentlemen of the indie world, your first number one album! Feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. You know what would be funny? If Modest Mouse announced a press conference to congratulate their fans for making them #1, then came out and ripped off their Sub-Pop t-shirts to reveal a shirt of some major label. Then, the singer could go, "Haha, we were with Sony this whole time!! Thanks for buying our album, suckers!!!" That would go down as one of the cruelest and greatest pranks in history.
2) Joss Stone Introducing Joss Stone (118,000) - Hi Joss Stone, pleased to meet you. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to go talk to Modest Mouse, see ya. Joss Stone was accused a couple weeks ago of "f**king for tracks" on this album. Should've f**ked harder, maybe you would've gotten to #1. Anyway, if Joss wants to play a prank on the public, not only should she admit to F-ing for tracks, but she should tell everyone that some crazy stuff went down. Like, "yeah, I screwed that producer for tracks... you didn't hear?... oh yeah, my mom was in on it too... we even brought out the beads... are you guys familiar with ‘the rabbit?'... yeah man, that producer is into some crazy s**t."
3) Elliott Yamin Elliott Yamin (90,000) - In case you don't know, Elliott Yamin is not a singing rabbi. He's the third place finisher on last season's "American Idol." He finished behind Katharine McPhee and senior citizen Taylor Hicks. Now, Elliott has the number three album in the country. I'd continue with the prank theme, but surely this is enough of a joke.
4) Daughtry Daughtry (76,000) - Daughtry's CD is like the old "shaving cream on the neighbor's car" routine. It's been done, no one seems to encourage it, and yet, there it is, week after week, year after year. I guess there's something to be said about sticking to what has worked in the past.
5) Marques Houston Veteran (69,000) -Marques Houston has been around for a long time, yet is still a classic, much like the ol' "cellophane on the toilet seat" prank.
6) Akon Konvicted (69,000) - You know what prank is popular in prison? The inmates try to rape each other, and then, if they resist, they get stabbed in the back. Alright, I guess that's technically more of a trick than a prank. Close enough.
7) Lloyd Street Love (55,000) - I still don't know who Lloyd is, but his name reminds me of Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber, so maybe he should slip some ex-lax into the drinks of the six artists ahead of him. That would totally mess up their promotion schedules and help Lloyd get back to #2, where he was last week.
8) Musiq Soulchild Luvanmusiq (54,000) - Like egg yolk sliding down the front door of a suburban house, Musiq Soulchild fell from #1 to #8 this week, after a 64% drop in sales.
9) Rich Boy Rich Boy (49,000) - Rich Boy's hit single is called "Throw Some D's." Perhaps, just for this week, he should throw those D's into the trees and gutters of his cranky older neighbors' houses.
10) Amy Winehouse Back to Black (48,000) - "They tried to arrest me for petty vandalism, I said ‘no, no, no.'" You know what would be the best gag for Amy Winehouse to pull? Admitting once and for all that she's actually two separate people. Have you seen this girl? She's like the "Good Light Bad Light" girl from "Seinfeld." Sometimes she looks hot, and sometimes I feel like whoever she goes home with her that night is going to end up re-enacting "The Crying Game" shower scene. It would all make sense if we found out that there are really two Amy Winehouses. Or who knows? Maybe it's more. Maybe there's a whole Amy WineDevelopment.
And there it, the Billboard Albums Chart for the week of 3/29/07. No joke. There it is. Right through that door over there. Go ahead, check it out. What are you nervous about? Just go. It'll be fine. Trust me.
[Other notables: Insane Clown Posse Psychopathic #20 (33,000); Devin the Dude Waitin' To Inhale #30 (25,000); Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard & Ray Price Last of the Breed #64 (13,000)]
