Real Music Ringtones

In celebration of Rolling Stone's 40th Anniversary, we've handpicked the 40 albums they got wrong. Each and every one of these gems deserved their greatest praise: 5 Stars.

Willie Nelson goes to a rave, Garth Brooks plays chess, Waylon might be a pedophile and Toby Keith raids his clip art folder.

Double Up contains 18 tracks, each of which is brilliant in its own unique way. If you think "Trapped in the Closet" is hilarious, well, you ain't seen nothin'...

Last week, Vanilla Ice finished yet another B-list celebrity reality show, "Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge." While it seems that Mr. Van Winkle will perpetually show up on these types of shows from now on, the memories of the good ol' days still lurk in our collective early-90s unconsciousness. Today, we take a look back at his life and career via video.

NSFW x infinity.

The baseball playoffs are just getting underway and after the Colorado Rockies beat the San Diego Padres by scoring three runs on one of the best closers in Major League history (Trevor Hoffman) for their tiebreaker game, the importance of a closer became apparent.

It is absolutely essential that the last pitcher to enter the game can hold on to his team's lead. What's more essential? Scaring the crap out of the opposing team with your song.

Actually, I'm pretty sure the score is more like Music Labels 786, Consumers 1. But either way, chalk one up for the consumers. While speaking at a conference in Asia recently, the head of Warner Music admitted that his company made a mistake in the way it handled evolving technologies, especially file-sharing. He said:

 

We used to think our content was perfect just exactly as it was. We expected our business would remain blissfully unaffected even as the world of interactivity, constant connection and file sharing was exploding.

 

I know what you're thinking: He didn't honestly believe that resting on his laurels was a successful way to combat file-sharing, did he?

 

What you don't know is this: The head of Warners developed his business plan after attending the 17th Annual Conference For Terrible Business Strategies. Check out some of the seminars offered at that conference, and tell me they weren't giving out pretty poor advice...

 

-"Computer Technology: Don't Worry, Nobody's Going To Try To Hack You"

 

-"Culinary Arts: Always Remember the 5 Second Rule"

 

-"Starting Your Own Clothing Line: The Kriss Kross Look is Coming Back in '08!"

 

-"Gun Manufacturing: Do We Really Need a Safety?"

 

-"Accounting 101: Just Round Up, Nobody Will Notice"

 

-"Consulting Ideas: Always Tell the Client What They Want to Hear"

 

-"Automotive Design: Brakes Are For Pussies"

 

-"The Music Biz: This File-Sharing Thing Isn't Going Anywhere, Relax"

 

See what I mean? He was duped!

 

 

A new poll shows that kids who study music earn more as adults. Well, sort of.

 

The poll, conducted by an independent research company, says that 83% of people making $150,000 a year had an education in music.

 

John Mahlmann, of the National Association for Music Education, explains:

 

Part of it is the discipline itself in learning music, it's a rigorous discipline, and in an ensemble situation, there's a great deal of working with others. Those types of skills stand you well in careers later in life.

 

National Association for Music Education? N.A.M.E.? Sounds made-up. Regardless, I think it's important to clarify what this study actually means. I hate to be the one to rain on this musical parade, but this poll doesn't prove much. They asked a bunch of already-rich people whether they studied music, and many did. This doesn't necessarily mean that you can sign up for music theory class and one day become rich. There are plenty of poor people out there who studied music; anyone who's been to a Guitar Center knows this.

 

Also, what qualified someone as having studied music? Did they have to play an instrument, or did they just have to take a music class at some point? Does it count if someone used to spit rhymes on a street corner? What about a kid who listened to Zeppelin IV like, a million times and studied every note of the "Stairway" solo while getting stoned? Where's the line? Most public schools make you take at least a few music credits, so don't most kids study music in some capacity?

 

You know what? On second thought, I DO like raining on this parade. In fact, I wish I could get a job where I just dismiss the findings of scientific studies. If someone wanted to conduct a major study, they would first have to come to me, and I would tell them either A) why the study won't really prove anything, or B) why we don't need a study to prove whatever they're saying. Some professor of a big university would come into my office and propose a study on the increasing trend of ADD, and then I would respond in the most condescending way possible, like this: "Really?? You think people are getting dumber? Really? Hang on a second, let me turn off this episode of 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader' and tell my friend on IM that I'll 'BRB'... OK, where were we? Ah yes, get the hell out of my office." Yep, that job would be pretty awesome.

 

As someone who plays (or once knew how to play) guitar, piano, violin, bass, ukelele, triangle, cowbell, cymbals, tambourine and scraping fish, let me say, musical knowledge can be a great thing. Being in a band a few years ago was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. It does help you learn discipline and dedication -- learning guitar, for example, takes a lot of practice -- and gives you another talent to add to your life resumé. Just don't expect that you'll automatically become a millionaire because you learned the Soulja Boy dance. You still have to grab your career by the reigns and Superman that ho.

 

 

Reports streamed in last evening that Frank Iero has suddenly left the My Chemical Romance UK tour, after not appearing at the show in Aberdeen on Monday night. Fans at the show reported that Gerard said he had to fly home due to "personal reasons and issues," but said he would be back, even though they were all thinking of him. What, exactly is going on remains unknown, and it's probably better that way. There's rampant fandom speculation, as is always the case... but the good thing is it doesn't seem to be his health.

Meanwhile, due to his wrist injuries, Bob Bryar is also not playing with the band. According to Bob, he played the late October Hoboken, NJ show with his wrists in incredible pain, and against doctor's advice, went on to play the two opening shows for Bon Jovi before having to accept that he needed time off. Hence, why the band controversially cancelled their Maine show.

 

While we all joke "is My Chemical Romance cursed?" this does make me wonder:

 

Are we, the fans, destroying our bands? Do we expect too much from them?

 

This year alone, I saw My Chemical Romance twice, in February and October. And I'm bumming that I didn't make it to more shows. I suppose I could have, too, since they never stopped touring. There is no way this does not take a massive physical, as well as mental, toll on the band. On any band.

 

How many bands left tours this year, only to officially break up weeks or even days later? How many of these bands were scheduled for weeks on end with no days off? Or maybe a single day of downtime in Akron, Ohio? They're not seeing their families or friends, they're sleeping on buses or in vans -- with the smaller bands doing what they can to not get their stuff stolen, as that's a stressful epidemic right now. They're eating what they can.

 

And while most of the bands I have ever talked to say they love being on the road and meeting the kids, playing their songs, all of that... it's not quite natural to have people working virtually non-stop for months at a time. The travel with overnight drives, lugging gear around, dodging crazy fans... the stress is incomprehensible.

 

And of course, we want to see the bands. And they want us to see them. They want to make us happy. I know I get petulant when I see west coast only tours for bands I like, or want to see bands over and over, so I'm sure as hell guilty of exactly what I am talking about. If someone told me I could buy tickets for My Chemical Romance today? Despite thinking they need and deserve time off, I'd buy those tickets, go to the show, and angle myself into the best position possible once the show happened.

 

I'm not sure that there's an answer, or even as much of a problem as I've laid out here. After all, the guys in these bands are all adults and old enough to say, "hey, I kind of need a few weeks off." It's still hard to hear one of your favorite bands is having such a hard time.

 

Either way, here's hoping for a speedy recovery for Bob and that whatever is going on with Frank isn't serious.

Though it doesn't get much publicity, there's a Presidential election next year. In anticipation of said election, an organization called HeadCount is appearing at concerts nationwide to try and get people to register to vote. The non-partisan organization will be traveling with acts such as Dave Matthews, Santana and Maroon 5. So, when Dave Matthews goes into a 37-minute jam on the song "#41," you can take the opportunity to get yourself a shirt, maybe grab a hot dog, and register to vote.

 

If registering to vote at a concert sounds a little weird, it's actually nothing new. Yours truly registered to vote at a Pearl Jam concert in 2003. Then I cast my vote in the 2004 election for Eddie Vedder. I guess he didn't win, but regardless, I did my part and contributed to the democratic tradition.

 

You know how some people say, "if you don't vote, you can't complain?" I vote so I can tell those people to go away. Whatever your reasoning, it's important you get registered and go out next year to vote. Sure, the process of voting is annoying, and it doesn't really make a difference, but it's something that you have to do anyway, kind of like vacuuming the living room before you have company over. And hell, if nothing else, you get out of work for an hour. What is your boss going to say? "No, you can't leave work and vote"? He'd be a Communist, and then you could probably get him fired and take his job. So yeah, voting has its advantages. I only wish they could make it a little easier. We can put ATMs in bars, but we still have to go to a church basement and wait in line to vote? Get with the times, electoral college.

 

Go to HeadCount.org if you want to volunteer/watch free concerts.

 

 

(Diddy is in no way involved with this campaign, but that picture is hilarious.)